School jokes 

Dad, can you
help me find the lowest common
denominator in this problem please?
Don't tell me that they
haven't found it yet, I remember looking for
it when I was a boy!

Teacher: You copies from
Fred's exam paper
didn't you?
Pupil: How did you know?
Teacher: Fred's paper says
''I don't know'' and you have put ''Me,
neither''!

Teacher, I can't solve this problem.
Any
five year old should be able to solve this one.
No wonder I can't do
it then, I'm nearly ten!

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass

but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the
grass!

Father: What did the
teacher think of your
idea?
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really?, what did she
say?
Son: Baa!

Teacher: What came after the stone age and the

bronze age?
Pupil: The sausage!

Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I
gave
you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!

Teacher: Did your parents help you
with
these homework problems?
Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!

What are you going to be when you get out of
school?
An old man!

What do history teachers make when they want to
get
together?
Dates!

My teacher reminds me of
history
She's
always repeating herself!

What did you learn in school today?
Not
enough, I have to go back tomorrow!

Mother: How was your first
day at
school?
Son: It was all right except for some man called ''Teacher'' who kept

spoiling all our fun!

Teacher: What can you tell me about the Dead

Sea?
Pupil: Dead?, I didn't even know he was sick!

Father: How were the
exam
questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions
didn't give me any trouble, just the
answers!

An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is
your homework?
Pupil: I put it in a safe, but lost the
combination!

Why do teachers
use a bamboo
cane?
Because when the cane goes 'bam' the child goes boo!

Sandy began a
job as an elementary school counselor and
she was eager to help. One
day during recess she noticed a girl
standing by herself on one side of a
playing field while the rest of
the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at
the other.

Sandy
approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.


A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the
same
spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy
offered, ''Would you like me to be your
friend?''

The girl
hesitated, then said, ''Okay,'' looking at the woman
suspiciously.


Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, ''Why are you

standing here all alone?''

''Because,'' the little girl said with great
exasperation, ''I'm the
goalie!''

What happens if you draw on the blackboard and
the
teacher told you not to?
She draws a smack!

Pupil: I don't think I deserved zero on this

test!

Teacher: I agree, but that's the lowest mark I could
give
you!