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Camping Jokes 

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|Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, ''You skin this one while I go and get another!''

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|An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, ''Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?''''I sure did,'' responded the pessimist. ''He can't swim.''

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|Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, ''I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?'' ''Of course,'' the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively -- ''Don't touch me!'' he cried, ''I'm on a disability pension.''

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|One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. ''You aren't going to catch many fish that way,'' said the businessman to the fisherman, ''you should be working rather than lying on the beach!'' The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, ''And what will my reward be?'' ''Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!'' was the businessman's answer. ''And then what will my reward be?'' asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, ''You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!'' ''And then what will my reward be?'' asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. ''You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!'' he said. ''And then what will my reward be?'' repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. ''Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!'' Once again the fisherman asked, ''And then what will my reward be?'' The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, ''Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!'' The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, ''And what do you think I'm doing right now?''

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|While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,''Are there any gators around here?!'' ''Naw,'' the man hollered back, ''they ain't been around for years!'' ''Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,''How'd you get rid of the gators?'' ''We didn't do nothin','' the beachcomber said. ''The sharks got 'em.''

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|A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bush's jumped the Game Warden !!Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.After about a half mile the fella stopped and stooped over with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.''Lets see yer fishin license, Boy !!'' the Warden gasped. With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license.i||3galr3pr0duct|on0fa!h!a!j0k3s''Well, son'', said the Game Warden, '' You must be about as dumb as a box of rocks !! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!''''Yes Sir'', replied the young feller,'' But my friend back there, well, he don't have one''...

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|Two fishermen were out on the lake when one of them dropped his wallet. As they watched the wallet float down to the depths of the lake, a carp came along and snatched up the wallet. Soon came another carp who stole it away and then a third joined in. Remarked one of the fisherman, ''That's the first time I've ever seen carp-to-carp walleting.''

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|Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, ''The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind.'' They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, ''Do you know where we are?'' ''I think so,'' replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!''

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|A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, ''when did you bag him?'' The host said, ''that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife.'' ''What's he stuffed with,'' asked the visiting hunter. ''My wife.''

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|There were these two guys out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon a railroad tie. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leapt into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces from the actions of the goat when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat anywhere in the area and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, ''Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to a railroad tie.''

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|Two Polish hunters were driving through the country to go bear hunting. They came upon a fork in the road where a sign read ''BEAR LEFT'' so they went home

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|A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said, '' Only caught one, eh?''

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|Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, ''Did you see that?''''No,'' the second guy says.''Well, a bald eagle just flew overhead,'' the first guy says.''Oh,'' says the second guy.A couple of minutes later, The first guy says, ''Did you see that?''''See what?'' the second guy asks.''Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there.''''Oh.''A few minutes later the first guy says: ''Did you see that?''By now, the second guy is getting aggravated, so he says, ''Yes, I did!''And the first guy says: ''Then why did you step in it?''

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|A father and son went fishing one day. While they were out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him. He asked his father, ''How does this boat float?The father replied, ''Don't rightly know son.'' A little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, ''How do fish breath underwater?''Once again the father replied, ''Don't rightly know son.'' A little later the boy asked his father, ''Why is the sky blue?''Again, the father repied. ''Don't rightly know son.'' Finally, the boy asked his father, ''Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?''The father replied, ''Of course not, you don't ask questions, you never learn nothin'.''

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|Two friends rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they caught 30 fish. One guy said to his friend, ''Mark this spot so that we can come back here again tomorrow.'' The next day, when they were driving to rent the boat, the same guy asked his friend, ''Did you mark that spot?'' His friend replied, ''Yeah, I put a big 'X' on the bottom of the boat.'' The first one said, ''You stupid fool! What if we don't get that same boat today!?!?''

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|Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, ''Watson, look up. What do you see? ''Well, I see thousands of stars.'' ''And what does that mean to you?'' ''Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?'' ''To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.''

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|When Fishermen Meet''Hiyamac''''Lobuddy''''Binearlong?''''Coplours''''Cetchenny?''''Goddafew''''Kindarthay?''''Bassencarp''''Ennysizetoom?''''Couplapowns''''Hittinhard?''''Sordalike''''Wachoosen?''''Gobbawurms''''Fishanonaboddum?''''Rydononaboddum''''Whatchadrinkin?''''Jugajimbeam''''Igoddago''''Tubad''''Seeyaroun''''Yeahtakideezy''''Guluck''

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|Ten common fishing terms explainedCatch and Release - A conservation motion that happens most often right before the local Fish and Game officer pulls over a boat that has caught over it's limit. Hook - (1) A curved piece of metal used to catch fish. (2) A clever advertisement to entice a fisherman to spend his live savings on a new rod and reel. (3) The punch administered by said fisherman's wife after he spends their life savings (see also, Right Hook, Left Hook). Line - Something you give your co-workers when they ask on Monday how your fishing went the past weekend. Lure - An object that is semi-enticing to fish, but will drive an angler into such a frenzy that he will charge his credit card to the limit before exiting the tackle shop. Reel - A weighted object that causes a rod to sink quickly when dropped overboard. Rod - An attractively painted length of fiberglass that keeps an angler from ever getting too close to a fish. School - A grouping in which fish are taught to avoid your $29.99 lures and hold out for spam instead. Tackle - What your last catch did to you as you reeled him in, but just before he wrestled free and jumped back overboard. Tackle Box - A box shaped alarmingly like your comprehensive first aid kit. Only a tackle box contains many sharp objects, so that when you reach in the wrong box blindly to get a Band Aid, you soon find that you need more than one. Test - (1) The amount of strength a fishing line affords an angler when fighting fish in a specific weight range. (2) A measure of your creativity in blaming ''that darn line'' for once again losing the fish.

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|Many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, ''Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us.'' After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. ''Let's call the boys Towards and Away,'' suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as Towards and Away. The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, ''Boys, it is time that learned how to make a living from the sea.'' They provisioned their ship, said their goodbyes, and set sail for a three month voyage. The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship. Three whole years passed before the greiving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. ''My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?'' she cried. The ragged fisherman began to tell his story: ''We were just barely one whole day out to see when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again.'' ''Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been!'' ''Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away....''

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|An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: ''Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check.''In a short time he received the following reply: ''Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine.''

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