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Irish Jokes 

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Jokes found: 8543

|Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, ''Have I got all ye say there?'' The agent said, ''Certainly ye have...Why d'ye ask?'' Replied Murphy, ''Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, ''Spit it out! Spit it out!''An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time.The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together.The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons.When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, ''No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Barty and Dunny met in a pub and discussed the illness of a friend named Hogan. ''Poor Micheal Hogan! Faith, I'm afraid he's goin' to die.'' ''Shure, an' why would he be dyin'?'' asked the other. ''Ah, he's gotten so thin. You're thin enough, and I'm thin -- but by my soul, Micheal Hogan is thinner than both of us put together.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. ''We have 99'' replied the shop owner ''Give us the lot'' said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by came and asked him what had happened. ''I don't know sur'' he replied ''but that's the last time I try that budgie jumping''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Barty was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. ''Help!'' Barty shouted, ''Oi'm sinkin'!'' Don't worry,'' assured Mick. ''Next to the Strong Muldoon, Oi'm the strongest man in Erin, and Oi'll pull ye right out o' there.'' Mick leaned out and grabbed Barty's hand and pulled and pulled to no avail. After two more unsuccessful attempts, Mick said to Barty, ''Shure, an' Oi can't do it. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help.'' As Mick was leaving, Barty called ''Mick! Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other, ''Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?'' Pat said, ''Well, I have and I haven't.'' His friend asked, ''Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?'' Pat said, ''It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: ''Mick! I lost me finger!'' ''Have you now?'' says Mick. ''And how did you do it?'' ''I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ...''Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt'n me chest out!'' ''Well, Paddy my lad,'' said Seamus, ''why don't you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that'll block the wind for you.'' So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground. ''T'anks be to heaven, is he alright?'' Seamus hailed to the farmers. ''Well,'' said one of the farmers, '' he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn't said a word since!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Pat and Jimmy-Joe met and one said to the other, ''Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?'' Pat said, ''Well, I have and I haven't.'' His friend asked, ''Shure, and what d'ye mean by that?'' Pat said, ''It's like this, y'see...I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me. And when we got up to one another...it was neither of us.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, ''What's your name and address?'' ''I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address.'' The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question. ''I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Two Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. Mick picked it up to his face and said to Paddy ''Jez, that look like Sean'' to which Paddy replied ''No Sean was taller than that''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Paddy was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. ''What's wrong, Seamus?'' Paddy asked. ''Well didn't ya know, Paddy, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?'' said Seamus. ''Ah, praise the Almighty!'' Paddy replied with relief. ''I thought I'd gone deaf!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. ''Did she say anything before she died?'' asked the sergeant. ''She spoke without interruption for about forty years,'' said the Irishman.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. ''I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total'', says the Genie.The Scottish guy says, ''I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity.'' So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, ''I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity.''Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.The Irishman asks, ''I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall.'' The Genie explains, ''well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out.''The Irishman says, ''Fill it up with water.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. ''S'cuse me,'' said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. ''What was that all about?'' ''Nothing,'' said the Irishman, ''my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|''Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?'' ''No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, ''For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!'' At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.His son's reply was: ''Just plant your potatoes.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in a pub, when an irate Irishman stands up : ''You're making' out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.''''I'm sorry sir, I...''''Not you,'' says the Irishman, ''I'm talking to that little fella on your knee.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|''Hey,'' said a new arrival in the pub, ''I've got some great Irish jokes.''''Before you start,'' said the big bloke in the corner, '', I'm Irish.''''Don't worry,'' said the newcomer, ''I'll tell them slowly.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Two Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back from a shopping trip to Paris when the captains voice came over the loudspeaker. ''Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the engines appears to have failed. There's nothing to worry about but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick.''Five minutes later he said, ''Nothing to worry about, ladies and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and we will now be an hour late.''A moment later, ''Er...sorry about this ladies and gentlemen, but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will now be two hours later than expected.''One of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. ''Good heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine fails, we'll be here all night ?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

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