Car and train jokes 

What car do insects drive?
A
Volkswagen automobile.

What is the meaning of

afford?
It's the car most sales representatives drive.

What should a teacher take if
he's
run down?
The number of the car that hit him.

If you watch the way that many motorists

drive you will soon reach the conclusion that the most dangerous
part
of a car is the nut behind the wheel.

Why did the car judder to a stop when it
saw a
ghost?
It had a nervous breakdown.

What
happens when a frog's car
breaks down?
It gets toad away..

Two wizards in a car
were driving
along and the police were chasing them for speeding.
One said, ''What
are we going to do?''
The other replied, ''Quick, turn the car into a
side street.''

On Fred's 17th
birthday, his Dad
said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson.
As they got in
the car, the father said, ''Just one thing, Fred. If
you're going
to hit anything, make sure it's cheap.''

A man was in court charged with

parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything

to say in his defense. ''They shouldn't put up such misleading

notices,'' said the man. ''It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE.''

What sort of a car has your dad
got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.
Really -
Ours only starts with gas.

Learner driver: What happens when

everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong

lane.

What is an autograph?
A chart which
shows car sales.

What is an autobiography?
The life
story of an automobile.

You know all that talk about backseat

driving?

Well, I've been driving all my life and can safely
say that I've
never heard a word from the back seat.

What
kind of car do you drive?

A hearse!

A man whose son had just passed his
driving
test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven
slap into
the living room. ''How did you manage to do that?'' he fumed.
''Quite
simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned
left!''

''Take the wheel, Harry!'' said the
nervous lady driver. ''There's a tree
coming straight for us!''

How did the woman feel when she got run
over by a
car?
Tired.

A passenger train is creeping along,
slowly. Finally it creaks to a
halt. A passenger sees a conductor
walking by outside.

''What's going on?'' she yells out the
window.

''Cow on the track!'' replies the conductor.

Ten minutes
later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes,
however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk
again.

She leans out the window and yells, ''What happened? Did we catch
up
with the cow again?''

A motorist ran into a shop.
''Do you
own a black and white cat?'' he asked. ''No,'' replied the
manager.
''Oh dear,'' said the motorist, ''I must have run over a
nun.''

My sister's a really bad driver.

What makes you say that?
Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts
a glass panel in the floor
so that she can see who she's run
over.