Animal World 

What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?''Dam''.

Where do you find a no legged dog?Right where you left him.

One day a man was walking in the woods when he got lost.For two days he roamed around trying to find a way out.He had not eaten anything during this period and wasfamished. Over on a rock ledge he spotted a bald eagle,killed it, and started to eat it. Surprisingly a couple ofpark rangers happen to find him at that moment, andarrested him for killing an endangered species.At court, he plead innocent to the charges against himclaiming that if he didn't eat the bald eagle he wouldhave died from starvation. The judge ruled in his favor.In the judges closing statement he asked the man, ''Iwould like you to tell me something before I let you go.I have never eaten a bald eagle, nor ever plan on it.What did it taste like?'' The man answered, ''Well,it tasted like a cross between a whooping crane and aspotted owl.''

Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor. Hesurpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to himafter an encounter with a porcupine.After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, hereturned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.''Fifteen dollars, Ma'am,'' he answered.''Why that's simply outrageous!'' she stormed. ''That's what's wrong withyou Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors.Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?''''Raise porcupines, Ma'am.''

If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and your donkey bitesoff my roosters feet, what do you have? Two feet of my cock in your ass.

What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other? Gee, we really do taste like chicken.

What is the difference between a dog and a fox? Eight beers.

How do you give a cowboy a hard-on?Moooo-ooo-ooo

Two sheepherders are perfoming unnatural acts with two of theirherd simultaneously. One turns to the other, disgustedly, and says,''I hear they're doing this to women in Chicago!''

Have you ever smelled moth balls? - How did you get their little legs apart?

What has two legs and bleeds? Half a dog.

What does an elephant use as a vibrator? An epilectic.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ? - Because it was dead. Why did the baby fall out of the tree ? - Because it was stapled to the monkey.

Why do elephants have 4 feet? -Because 4 inches isn't enough.

Two men were walking along the street when they cameupon a dog licking his dick.One man said, ''I sure wish I could do that.'' The other replied, ''You can, but you're probably goingto have to pet him first.''

How do you catch a polar bear?Answer: First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice. Next, you place enough peas around the hole to completely surround the hole. Then, when the polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the icehole.Sent by Ediie

First snake:I hope I'm not poisonous.Second snake:Why?First snake:Because I bit my lip!

This is, like, so dumb...Instructions on how to Colect a Beaker of Cat's Urine 1.Treat the beaker like your most prized possession. 2.Solemnly intone the word ''no'' every time the cat approaches the beaker. 3.After completing steps #1 and #2, leave the cat alone with the beaker for thirty seconds.

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo.They are standing in front of the big silverback gorillas cage, when one woman makes agesture that the gorilla interprets as aninvitation. He grabs her yanks her over thefence and takes her to his nest in the pen.There he ravishhes her and makes passionatelove to her for about 2 hours till he istranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks'' Are you hurt?'' She replies. Of Course I'm hurt, He hasn'tcalled! He hasn't written!

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker barin the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, ''Um, err,which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outsideto the parking meter?''A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his bodyhair growing out through the seams, turned slowly onhis stool, looked down at the quivering little manand said, ''It's my dog. Why?''''Well,'' squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,''I believe my dog just killed it, sir.''''What?'' roared the big man in disbelief. ''What in thehell kind of dog do you have?''''Sir,'' answered the little man, ''It's a four week oldpuppy.''''Bull!'' roared the biker, ''How could your puppy kill myDoberman?''''It appears that he choked on it, sir.''