Men Jokes 

How is being at a singles bar
different from
going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Why did God create a man before
a
women?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they're
practicing to be men.

Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a
day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all
day.

One night a wife found her husband
standing
over their baby's
crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood
looking down at
the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of
emotions:
disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment,

skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it

aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her

husband.

''A penny for your thoughts,'' she said.

''It's
amazing!'' he replied. ''I just can't see how anybody can
make a crib
like that for only $46.50.''

What do you call a man who has lost 95%
of his
brainpower?
A widower.

Man says to God: ''God, why did you make woman so

beautiful?''
God says: ''So you would love her.'' ''But God,'' the man
says, ''why
did you make her so dumb?''
God says: ''So she would
love you.'' ''But God,'' the man says, ''why
did you make her so
dumb?''
God says: ''So she would love you.''

What do you do if your boyfriend walks
out?
Close the door.

What did God say after she made Eve?
''Practice
makes perfect.''

What is the
thinnest book in the world?

What Men Know About Women.

Now do you save a man from drowning?
Take your
foot off his head.

How many honest, intelligent, caring men
in
the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

Men are like animals:
messy, insensitive
and
potentially violent, but they make great pets.

There are only two four letter words that are

offensive to men:

''don't'' and ''stop''.

How do you scare a man?

Sneak up behind
him and start throwing rice.

One day in the Garden of
Eden, Eve calls out
to God, ''Lord, I
have a problem!''

''What's the problem,
Eve?''

''Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this
beautiful
garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious

comedy snake, but I'm just not happy.''

''Why is that, Eve?''
came the reply from above.

''Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to
death of apples.''

''Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution.
I shall create a man
for you.''

''What's a 'man', Lord?''


''This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies,

an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you

properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be

bigger
and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good
at
fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed

ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.''

''Sounds g
reat,'' says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

''Yeah,
well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt
stick. But, you
can have him on one condition.''

''What's that, Lord?''


''You'll have to let him believe that I made him first.''

What's the difference between a new husband and a
new
dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. Where is the best place in a book
store to
find a man who is handsome,
a good lover and a stimulating
partner?

A. In the pages of a romance novel.

There are a lot of words you
can use to
describe men: strong, caring, loving.
They'd be wrong, but you could
still use them.

Two
confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their
conversation drifted
from politics to cooking. ''I got a cookbook
once,'' said the first,
''but I could never do anything with
it.''

''Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?'' asked the second.

''You said
it. Every one of the recipes began the same way -
'Take a clean
dish and....'''