Men Jokes 

Why do men act like idiots?
Who says they're
acting?

What does it mean to come home to a man who'll

give you some love and tenderness?
You're in the wrong house.

Why don't women
work as long and as hard as
men in the office?
They do it right first time.

Why does a man only get half-hour
lunch-breaks?
So his boss doesn't have to retrain him.

Where's the safest place to
hide money from a
man?
Under the soap

When do men insist that women are
illogical?
When a woman doesn't agree with them.

How do you confuse a man?
You don't - they're
born that way.

How can you tell if a man is cheating on
you?
He has a bath more than once a month.

What does a man consider to be a seven course

meal?
A hot dog and a six pack.

How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet
paper?
No one knows, it's never happened.

How many men does it take to make

popcorn?
Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the

stove.

What's a man idea of helping with the
housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between a
man and
E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

How are men like noodles?
They are always in
hot water, they lack taste and they need dough.

How are men like carpet
tiles?
If you lay
them properly the first time around, you can walk all over
them for
the rest of your life.

Why do so few men end up in Heaven?
They never
stop to ask directions.

What do you call a man who opens the car door for

you?
A chauffeur.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay
stuck in adolescence.

A
woman of 35 thinks of having children. What
does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's

God's gift?
Exchange him.