HoUM

Náhodný vtip

Podla spravy v rozhlase sa jedna stredna skola v Oregone (USA) donedavna stretavala s velmi unikatnym problemom. Mnoho dievcat zacalo pouzivat ruz a chodili si malovat usta na zachod. To bolo v poriadku, ale po naneseni ruzu pritlacali usta na zrkadla, nechavajuc tak na nom desiatky otlackov pier. Nakoniec sa riaditelka skoly odhodlala s tym nieco podniknut. Zvolala vsetky dievcata na skolsky zachod a stretla sa tam s nimi spolu so skolnikom. Vysvetlila im, ze ich ruzove otlacky sposobuju skolnikovi velke trapenie, pretoze potom musi kazdy vecer zrkadla narocne cistit. Aby demonstrovala, ako narocne je ono cistenie, poziadala skolnika, aby jedno zrkadlo umyl tak, ako to robi kazdy vecer. Skolnik vzal stierku na dlhej nasade, namocil ju v zachodovej mise a zotrel s nou zrkadlo. Od tej doby sa na zrkadlach neobjavil jediny otlacok pier.

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The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap. All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching. ''What club should I use now?'' he asked the pro. ''I don't know,'' the pro replied. ''What game are you playing?''

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One day, a fellow went for a ride through the park on his bicycle.The following day, a friend asked him if he would like to do it again.He replied, ''No thanks, I'm not into recycling.''

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A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p.m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. ''What happened?'' says the wife. ''You should have been home hours ago!'' ''Harry had a heart attack at the third hole,'' replied the husband. ''Oh, that's terrible,'' says the wife. ''I know,'' the husband answers. ''All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry...''

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A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladiesare hitting from the ladies tee.The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is readyto hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks itanother ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically''I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help.''One of the men immediately replies ''No, you see that's your problem. Youshould have been taking golf lessons instead.''

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A man was playing a game of golf, and on hole 16, he hit the ball right into a field of buttercups. As honest a golfer as he normally was, he picked up the ball and laid it next to the flowerbed to avoid destroying the beautiful buttercups. A fairy comes down and says ''thank you for not disturbing my buttercups. For that I shall make sure that you always have a full supply of butter''.''Thank you,'' the golfer replied, ''but where were you last week when I hitthe ball into the pussywillows?''

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Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees abuilding on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding herpet cat in her arms.''Hey, lady,'' yells Larry, ''Throw me the cat.''''No,'' she cries, ''It's too far.''''I play football, I can catch him.''The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves toLarry, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him.The feline bounces off an awning and Larry runs into the street to catchit. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handedcatch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks intocheers.Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles hisknees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

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When shouldn't a mountain climber call for help?When he's hanging by his teeth.

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Albert arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, ''What is your IQ?'' to which the man answers, ''241.'' ''That is wonderful!,'' says Albert. ''We will talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the Universe. We will have much to discuss!'' Next Albert introduces himself to a woman and asks, ''What is your IQ?'' to which the lady answers, ''144.'' ''That is great!,'' responds Albert. ''We can discuss politics and current affairs. We will have much to discuss!'' Albert goes to another person and asks, ''What is your IQ?'' to which the man answers, ''51.'' Albert responds, ''How about them, Cowboys?''

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Coach Bowden was talking to the newest player on the team.''It's fantastic the way you strike the line, dodge, tackle and weave through your opponents.''Luke was a shy fellow, but blurted out, ''I suppose it all comes from early training, sir. You see, my mom used to take me shopping with her on sale days.''

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Q: Why did Mike Tyson learn to bite ears?A: How else do you tell a 275 pound inmate that ''no means no''?

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How many body builders does it take to change a light bulb?Nine. One to screw in the bulb while the other 8 hold up the mirrors.

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