Various animal jokes 

What do you call a neurotic octopus?

A crazy, mixed-up squid.

What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of

raspberry and lives in the seas?
A red jellyfish.

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave
him?
He stung her into action.

Who held the baby octopus to ransom ?

Squidnappers !

How does an octopus go to war ?

Well-armed !

Who robs banks and squirts ink?

Billy the Squid.

Why are dolphins cleverer than humans ?

Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool
and
feed them fish !

What did Cinderella Dolphin where to
the ball?
Glass flippers!

What did the baby dolphin do when he
didn't get his
way?
He whale-d

Why did the dolphin feel crabby?

Because he ate too many crabs!

Does a dolphin ever do something by

accident?
No, they do everything on porpoise!

Which ghost sailed the seven seas

looking for rubbish and blubber?
The ghost of BinBag the Whaler.

How could the dolphin afford to buy a

house ?
He prawned everything !

An old lady was considering buying a
squirrel fur
coat. ''But will it be all right in the rain?'' she asked
anxiously.
''Oh certainly, ma'am,'' said the manager smoothly.
''After all,
you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?''

How does a
group of dolphin's make
a decision?
Flipper coin!

What do you do when two snails have a

fight?
Leave them to slug it out.

How do snails get their shells all
shiny?
They use snail polish.

What gas do snails prefer?

Shell.

A snail starts a slow climb up the

trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help
laughing
and eventually says ''Don't you know there aren't any apples
on the
tree yet?'' ''Yes,'' said the snail, ''but there will be by the
time I
get up there.''

What did the slug say as he slipped

down the window very fast?
How slime flies!