College jokes 

A college student was in a
philosophy
class which had a discussion about God's existence. The professor

presented the following logic:

''Has anyone in this class heard God?''
Nobody spoke.

''Has anyone in this class touched God?'' Again,
nobody spoke.

''Has anyone in this class seen God?'' When nobody
spoke for the third
time, he simply stated, ''Then there is no
God.''

One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to

reply. Curious to hear this bold student's response, the professor
granted
it, and the student stood up and asked the following
questions of his
classmates:

''Has anyone in this class heard our
professor's brain?'' Silence.

''Has anyone in this class touched
our professor's brain?'' Silence.

''Has anyone in this class seen
our professor's brain?''

When nobody in the class dared to
speak, the student concluded, ''Then,
according to our professor'
s logic, it must be true that our professor
has no
brain!''

You can't argue with that!

Wouldn't it be nice to tell the Dean of your

college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your
Dean
as much as I like my Dean, then you'd better keep your mouth
shut. I
knew I'd get kicked out of the college if I expressed my
true feelings,
so I remained silent for the last four
years.

But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the

Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a
ribbon).

Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch
what I REALLY
thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I
looked her
straight in the eye.

''Hey Bitch,'' I said.
''You're so damn ugly, you could practice birth
control just by leaving
the lights on!''

And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I
gotta tell you that
it felt just as good as I had imagined it would
for the last four years.

Today, I unwrapped my diploma, fr
amed it, and hung it in the living
room, where it proudly exclaims
to the world: ''In order to receive your
diploma, please present
this certificate to the Dean of your college
after final grades have
been posted!''

Q: What do college students and deer have in

common?
A: They both stand in the middle of the road and stare at
your
headlights.

The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for
all male students, so too
the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this
rule will be fined $20 the first
time. Anybody caught breaking this
rule the second time will be fined
$60. Being caught a third time will
incur a hefty fine of $180. Are
there any questions?''
At this, a male student in the crowd
inquires, ''Er... How much for a
season pass?''

Q: How
many graduate students does it take
to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take him/her more
than five years to do
it.

Q. How many law professors does it take to
change a light
bulb?
A. Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the
research grant.

A son is
calling his mom from college, and
telling her that he had just got his
degree. The mother says:
That's great honey! What kind of degree? And the
son, almost squealing
with excitement says: The best one ever, a
Celsius degree!

College meals
are generally unpopular with
those who have to eat them and sometimes
with good reason. ''What
kind of pie do you call this?'' asked one
student
indignantly.
''What's it taste like?'' asked the cook.''
''Glue!''
''Then it's apple
pie the plum pie tastes like soap.''

''Now my motto in
life,'' said the school
chaplain, ''is work hard, play hard and pray
hard. How about you,
Harriet?''
''My motto is let bygones be bygones.''
''That's good. Why
did you choose that?''
''Then I wouldn't have to take any history
classes!''

A college friend was going to meet a young
lady he new.
''An old flame? I asked.
He winked and said, ''More like
an unlit match.''