Divorce jokes 

A married couple is driving down the
interstate doing
55 mph. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife looks
over at him and
says, ''Honey, I know we've been married for 15 years,
but, I want a
divorce.''
The husband says nothing but slowly
increases speed to 60 mph.

She then says, ''I don't want you to
try to talk me out of it, because
I've been having an affair with
your best friend, and he's a better
lover than you.''

Again
the husband stays quiet and just speeds up as he clenches his
hands
on the wheels.

She says, ''I want the house.'' Again the husband
speeds up, and now is
doing 70 mph.

She says, ''I want the
kids too.'' The husband just keeps driving
faster, and faster, until
he's up to 80 mph.

She says, ''I want the car, the checking
account, and all the credit
cards too.'' The husband slowly starts to
veer toward a bridge overpass
piling, as she says, ''Is there an
ything you want?''

The husband says, ''No, I've got everything
I need right here.''

She asks, ''What's that?''

The
husband replies just before they hit the wall at 90 mph, ''I've
got the
airbag!''

A ninety-year-old couple decide
to get a
divorce. They go to the judge and say, ''Judge, we want a
divorce.''

The judge says, ''You've been married 70 years and now you want to
get
a divorce? Why did you wait so long?''
The couple say in
unison, ''Well, we wanted to wait until the kids were
dead.''

A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office
wanting to file for
divorce.
Attorney: ''May I help you?''


Hillbilly: ''Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces''.


Attorney: ''Well do you have any grounds?''

Hillbilly: ''Yea, I got
about a hundred acres.''

Attorney: ''No, you don't understand, do
you have a case?''

Hillbilly: ''No, I don't have a Case, but I
have a John Deere.''

Attorney: ''I mean, do you have a grudge?''


Hillbilly: ''Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John
Deere.''

Attorney: ''No sir, I mean do you have a suit?''


Hillbilly: ''Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays.''


Attorney: ''Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?''


Hillbilly: ''No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning.''


Attorney: ''Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?''

Hillbilly:
''No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a
nagger
. That's why I want this dayvorce.''

Q: Why do divorced men get married
again?
A: Bad memory.

Definition of Divorce: The future tense of

marriage.

Mrs. Caroline Squires of Cincinnati filed for
a divorce from her
husband in 1949 on grounds of desertion. She
testified he'd stepped out
''for a beer'' on the Fourth of July, 1917,
and had never come back.

Question: Why is divorce so

expensive?
Answer: Because it's worth it.

My husband and I divorced over
religious
differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn't.

A
guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising
his voice, asks to speak to
himself.

''Sorry, he doesn't
live here anymore, we're divorced!''

Next day, the guy does the
same thing with the same results.

He does this everyday for a week,
and finally his ex-wife realizes who
it is that keeps calling.
''Look, Bozo! We're divorced! Finito! End of
story! When are you going
to get that through your fat head?''

''Oh, I know! I just can't
hear it enough!''

Question: What's the
major cause of
divorce?
Answer: Once is not enough.

Q: How many divorced men does it take to screw

in a light bulb?
A: None, the sockets go with the house.