Newest jokes

Q: How does the blond turn on the light after
she has had sex?
A: She opens the car door.

And once again the low self-esteem therapy group meets here at theSalvation Army Hall next Tuesday at 3.00 P.M. Remember thatwe prefer if you would use the back entrance.

Where does Bill Clinton have sex?- In the oral office.

God made oceans, God made lakes, God made NSYNC but hey, we all makemistakes!!!!

What tea do footballers drink ?
Penaltea !

Where do footballers dance ?
At a football
!

What did the bumble bee striker say ?
Hive
scored !

Why did a footballer take a piece of rope onto
the
pitch ?
He was the skipper !

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes toAustin to claim it where the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says ''I want my $20 million.''To which the man replied, ''No, sir. It doesn't work that way.We give you a million today, and then you'll get the restspread out for the next 19 years.'' The Redneck said, ''Oh, no. I want all my money RIGHTnow! I won it, and I want it.'' Again the man patiently explains that he would only get amillion that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, ''Look, IWANT MY MONEY!! If you're not going to give me my $20million ''right now,'' THEN I WANT MY DOLLAR BACK!!

Q. What should you do if you see your

ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How are husbands like lawn mowers?
A.
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odours, and half the

time they don't work.

What is the one thing that all men at

singles bars have in common?
They're married.

What's the best way to get a man to remember

your anniversary?
Get married on his birthday.

How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle
?
Somebody took a corner !

Which England player keeps up the fuel supply
?
Paul gas coin !

What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas
?
Ince pies !

What does a footballer and a magician have in
common ?
Both do hat tricks !

Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear

?
Because he liked sole music !

Why can't you circumcise Iranians? - There's no end to those pricks.

What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner? Reservations.