Newest jokes

Never before had Sue looked in the box that
her
husband kept under their bed.

The box had been there for the past 20
years of their marriage but she
had never invaded his privacy. One
day, while cleaning, she decided to
take a look in the box. She
didn't figure it was anything he was
hiding since she could have
looked at it any other time but hadn't.

In the box she found 3
eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very
strange so she went to
Fred and asked, ''Why are there 3 eggs in a box
under our bed?''


He replied, ''Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg
in
the box.'' Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful
but
she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married
for over
20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times.


''But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?'' she asked.


''Well, every time I got a dozen, I sold it.''

What should a football team do if the pitch is

flooded ?
Bring on their subs !

Did you hear about the football team who ate

too much pudding ?
They got jellygated !

Ref:I'm sending you off
Player: What for
?
Ref: The rest of the match !

Q: How do you
know a blonde likes you?
A:
She screws you two nights in a row.

Q: How do you get a blonde off of your
knees?
A: Come.

Q: How do you know a blonde has just lost her
virginity?
A: Her crayons are still sticky.

Q: WHY DON`T
BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX?
A:
They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot

finish bottom ?
Captain: Well, it could have been
worse.
Manager: How ?
Captain: There could have been more teams in the league
!

Why are
football grounds odd ?
Because
you can sit in the stands but can't stand in the sits !

Why
did the goal post get angry ?
Because
the bar was rattled !

What is the bank manager's favourite
type
of football ?
Fiver side !

What part of a football ground is never the same
?
The changing rooms !

This guy is walking through Chinatown and sees a building with asign ''Hans Olaffsen's Laundry.'' ''Hans Olaffsen?'', he thinks. ''How inthe world does that fit in here?''So, he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman sittingin the corner. The visitor asks, ''How in the world did this placeget a name like Hans Olaffsen's Laundry?''The old man answers ''Is name of owner.''The visitor asks ''Well, who is the owner?''''I am he,'' answers the old man.''You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?''The old man replies, ''Many years ago when I come to this country, Iwas standing in line at Documentation Center. Man in front of mewas big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, ''What your name?'' Hesay, '' Hans Olaffsen.'' She look at me say, ''What your name?'' I say,''Sam Ting.''

Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls
down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another. After this and the accompanying small-talk, Joe asks her back to his place for a ''good time.''''Look,'' says the woman, ''what do you think I am? I don't turn into a slut after 3 drinks, you know!''''OK,'' replies Joe, ''so how many does it take?''

Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who wereordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second nightout on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail,looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really startingto unwind. Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into theocean. They came up gasping and spluttering and saw the ship sailingaway from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he hadmanaged to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperatelytreading water. ''Hyman!'' he called out, ''Hyman, can you float alone?''''Oy vay!'' called out Hymie from the dark waters. ''Vat a time totalk business!''

A Jewish man has just won the lottery and invites his family to adinner. He then stands up to thank everyone. ''First I must thank my beautiful wife for her help and support, thenI want to thank my children, and the lottery commission.'' ''Then I would like to thank Adolf Hitler''. Suddenly everyone wassilent as he showed some numbers tatooed on his forearm and said,''For the winning numbers''.

A Chinese man is making love to his wife. He whispers in her ear,''Baby, I wanna' 69!''She gives him a strange look and replies, ''You want Beef and Broccoli NOW?''

Q: What's the difference between a chorus line
of blondes and a
magician?
A: A magician has a cunning array of
stunts.