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Náhodný vtip

FAKT 1: Macka vzdy dopadne na nohy. FAKT 2: Chlieb s maslom zase vzdy padne na maslovu (natretu) stranu. VYSLEDOK: Ak macke pripevnime na chrbat maslovy chlieb natretou stranou nahor, vznikne teleso, ktore bude rotovat kusok nad zemou.

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Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

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''Did you hear? Lament's gettin' a
Ph.D.''
''What does Ph.D. stand for?''
''in his case, Pin-headed Dope.''

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Why did the Oregon State psychology
major
climb up the chain link fence?
To see what was on the other
side.

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0101.sk

What is a Furman freshman doing when he grasps

at thin air?
Collecting his thoughts.

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Did you hear about the Penn State professor
who
went around in a revolving door for six hours because he
couldn't
remember whether he was going in or coming out?

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Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?

Driver: Which part?
Passenger: All of me, of course!

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Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat

woman opposite said, ''If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd
stand
up and let someone else sit down.'' ''And if you were a lady,''
replied
Roger, ''you'd stand up and let four people sit down.''

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What's the
difference between a bus driver
and a cold?
A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the
nose.

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A man standing at a bus stop was eating a

hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very

excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and
jumping up
at him. ''Do you mind if I throw him a bit?'' said the man to
the lady.
''Not at all,'' she replied, whereupon the man picked the
dog up and
threw it over a wall.

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What happened to the tiger who
took
a bath three times a day ?
After a week he was spotless !

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What do you get if you cross a tiger

with a sheep ?
A stripey sweater !

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What do you get if you cross a tiger
with a
kangeroo ?
A stripey jumper !

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A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner the price. ''Twelve dollars for the rat, sir,'' says the shop owner, ''and an extra thousand for the story behind it.'' ''At that price, you can keep the story, old man,'' he replies, ''but I'll take the bronze rat.'' The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer, more rats come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars... following him. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the waterfront at the bottom of the hill he panics and starts to run full tilt. No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes racing to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve blocks long is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a lamp post, grasping it with one arm, while he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay as far as he can throw it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the post, he watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop. ''Ah sir, you've come back for the story,'' says the owner. ''No,'' says the tourist, ''I was just hoping you had a bronze sculpture of a lawyer ''

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What happens when a lawyer takes viagra?He gets taller!!Sent by Bill

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A man came storming out of the courthouse ranting and raving; obviously really angry . He stomped accross the street and into the bar and flounced down on a stool muttering, ''Asshole attorneys''. The man next to him recoiled in outrage saying ''I want you to know I highly resent that remark''.''Why, are you an attorney?''''No, I'm an asshole.''

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How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle
!

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How do you know when there is a snowman in

your bed ?
You wake up wet !

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What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark
?
Frost bite !

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What two letters of the alphabet do snowmen
prefer ?
I.C. !

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|The following is a true story.There was this little kid who had a bad habit of sucking his thumb. His mother finally told him that if he didn't stop sucking his thumb, he'd get fat.Two weeks later, his mother had her friends over for a game of bridge. The boy points to an obviously pregnant woman and says, ''Ah, ha! I know what you've been doing!''

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