Newest jokes

When are Pomeranians good at taking photographs?

Only when they snap at something!

Q: Did you hear about the new ''morning after'' pill for men?A: It changes their blood type.

Did you know that a man is made up of many useless things?He has an Adam's apple that isn't an appleTwo calves that will never become cowsA nose bridge that doesn't lead anywhereA roof of the mouth that won't cover anythingTwenty nails that won't hold a boardA chest that won't hold linenTwo boobs that won't give milkTwo buns that won't feed anyoneA belly button that won't buttonTwo balls that won't rollAn ass that won't pull a plowAn organ that won't play musicA cock that won't crow

Q: If fathers have Father's Day, and mothers have Mother's Day,?.what do single guys have?A: Palm Sunday.

How are tigers like sergeants in the
army ?
They both wear stripes !

When is a lion not a lion ?
When he
turns into his cage !

What flies around your light at night

and can bite off your head ?
A tiger moth !

What did the lions say to his cubs when

he taught them to hunt ?
'Don't go over the road till you see
the zebra crossing.'

What do
tigers wear in bed ?

Stripey pyjamas !

What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up

and beg?
Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.

What did the boy banana say to the girl
banana?
''You have a lot of appeal.''

What's big and hairy and climbs up the

Empire State Building in a dress?
Queen Kong.

How can you mend King Kong's arm if he's
twisted it?
With a monkey wrench.

If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play

ping-gong and died, what would they put on his coffin?
A lid.

What is as big as King Kong but doesn't
weigh anything?
King Kong's shadow.

What do you get if you cross King Kong with
a
watchdog?
A terrified postman.

|A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac. The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and says, ''What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of tarmac? The motorway replies, ''You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath.''

|A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. ''Does your dog bite?''''No.''A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.''I thought you said your dog didn't bite!'' the man says indignantly.''That's not my dog.''

|John got off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. ''I'll be ready in a few minutes,'' she said. ''Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting?'' He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through.'' The dog followed John onto the balcony and started rolling over. John made a hoop with his arms and Spot jumped through--over the balcony railing. Just then John's date walked out. ''Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?'' ''To tell the the truth, '' he replied, ''Spot seemed a little depressed to me!''

|A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom on the edge of the bathtub saying to himself, ''Now how can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we were dating, but she's bound to find out sooner or later that my feet stink. Now how do I tell her?''Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, ''Now how do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out. Now how do I tell him gently?''The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, climbs over to his wife, puts his arm around her neck, moves his face very close to hers and says, ''Darling, I've a confession to make.''And she says, ''So have I, love.''To which he replies, ''Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks.''