Newest jokes

Little monster:
Mom, Mom, what's for tea?

Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave.

Mommy monster:
Don't eat that uranium.

Little monster: Why not?
Mommy monster: You'll get
atomic-ache.

What happened to Ray when he met the

man-eating monster?
He became an ex-Ray.

What did the monster say to his
psychiatrist?
'I feel abominable.'

Whats green and can jump a mile a minute ?
A
frog with hiccups !

Why did the lizard go on a diet ?
It weighed
too much for its scales !

What do you say to a hitchhiking frog ?
Hop in
!

What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry

?
A hoppercraft !

What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy
?
Hoppalong Cassidy !

Young Jimmy was having a snack
after
school with his Gran. ' Would you like another cookie ?' she

asked.
'Yes, please,' replied Jimmy.
'What good manners you have,'
said his Gran. ' I do like to hear
young people say 'please' and
'thank you'.'
'I'll say them both if I can have a big piece of
that cake,' replied
Jimmy !

Mum: Haven't you finished filling the salt
shaker yet ?
Son: Not yet. It's really hard to get the salt through
all those
little holes !

Two boys camping out in a backyard wanted to

know the time, so they began singing at the top of their
voices.
Eventually one of the neighbours threw open his window and shouted
down
at them ''Hey, less noise!, don't you know it's three o'clock
in the
morning!''

These 2 hunters was hunting one day and this one hunter fainted. The other hunter didn't know what to do, so he called 911. When the person answered the hunter told them that his partner was dead. The person on the other end said calm down and make sure your partner was dead and all of a sudden the person heard a gun shot and the hunter came back on the line and said ok he's dead for sure.

Q:Why didn't the chicken cross the road?A: because he was a ''chicken''.

Why do you need a driver's licence to
buy liquor when you can't
drink and drive?

Can you repeat the part after ''Listen
very
carefully''?

Why is it that when you transport
something by car, it's called
ship-ment but when you transport something
by ship it's called cargo?

What is the difference between a banana and a
bell?
You can only peel (peal) the banana once.

Fred: You have
the face of a saint.
Jill:
Really? Which one?
Fred: A Saint Bernard.

What's worse than a giraffe with a sore

throat?
An aardvark with the sniffles!