Newest jokes

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is Not Now.

Why don't Jewish mothers drink?Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?
A bud
hound !

What's the definition of a Parapet?
Pet
parrot kept by parachutist!

What's the definition of Parity?
Two parrots
exactly the same!

Where do blind parrots go for treatment?
The
Birds Eye counter!

What profession did the parrot get into when it

swallowed the clock?
Politics

What is a parrot's favorite
game?
Hide
and Speak!

Q:
What are 3 two letter words that say
small?
A: Is it in.

Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica?
A: I
told you to lick my erection, not wreck my election.

Q: What
does pizza delivery man and a
gynecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

Q: What do you get when you mix a rooster with a

telephone pole?
A: A 30ft cock that wants to reach out and touch
someone

There are a
lot of folks that can't
understand how we ran out of oil here in the
USA.
Well, here's the
answer: It's simple.........nobody bothered to check
the oil. Didn't
know we were getting low. And of course the reason for
that is
geographical. Most of the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma, and all
the
dipsticks are in Washington, D.C.

Yo mama so old her birth certificate says
expired on
it.

Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he
was still a
prince.

Yo mama so old she ran track with
dinosaurs.

A businessman
was having a
tough time lugging his lumpy, oversized travel
bag onto the plane.
Helped by a flight attendant, he finally managed to
stuff it in the
overhead bin. ''Do you always carry such heavy
luggage?''
she
sighed.
''No more,'' the man said. ''Next time, I'm riding in the bag, and my

partner can buy the ticket!''

A tourist is visiting New York City

when his car breaks down. He jumps out
and starts fiddling
under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears
some thumping sounds
and looks around to see someone taking stuff out
of
his trunk!
He runs around and yells, ''Hey, bud, this is my car!''
''OK,'' the

man says, ''You take the front and I`ll take the back.''

Helpful
advice for
travellers:
If you are going to get on a commercial flight, take a bomb with
you.
BECAUSE: What are the odds of TWO guys being on the SAME PLANE at
the
SAME TIME with a bomb?

A man and a woman who have never
met before
find themselves in the same
sleeping carriage of a
train. After the initial embarrassment, they
both
manage to get to
sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the
lower.
In the
middle of the night the woman leans over and says, ''I'm sorry
to

bother you but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could

possibly
pass me another blanket.''

The man leans out and,
with a glint in his eye, says, ''I've got a
better
idea...
let's pretend we're married.''

''Why not?'' giggles the woman.


''Good,'' he replies. ''Get your own blanket.''