Newest jokes

Patient: Hey, that tooth
you pulled
wasn't the one I wanted pulled.
Dentist: Relax, I'm coming to it.

Father: Don't you feel better now
that
you've gone to the dentist?
Son: Sure do. He wasn't in.

Cloyd went to a Charleston dentist

complaining his gums had shriveled up and his teeth were falling out.


After examining him, the dentist said, ''Your mouth is really bad. Do

you brush?''

''Ah sure do!'' replied Cloyd. ''Everee single day!''


''What do you brush with?'' asked the dentist,


''Preparation H,'' said the redneck.

Brother: What kind of sharks never eat women
?
Sister: Man-eating sharks.

Doctor Sawbones speaking. Oh, doctor, my

girlfriend's just dislocated her jaw. Can you come over in, say, three

or four weeks' time?

What do you calll a woman that people sit on
?
Cher !

Women are like computers -- even your smallest
mistakes are
stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

|''WOMEN SEEKING MEN'' Classifieds40-ish means: 48Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever willAffectionate means: PossessiveArtist means: UnreliableAverage looking means: You figure this one outBeautiful means: Pathological liarCommitment-minded means: Pick out curtains, now!Communication important means: Just try to get a word in edgewiseContagious Smile means: Bring your penicillinEducated means: College dropoutEmotionally Secure means: MedicatedEmployed means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at homeEnjoys art and opera means: SnobEnjoys Nature means: Bring your own granolaExotic Beauty means: Would frighten a MartianFinancially Secure means: One paycheck from the streetFree spirit means: Substance abuserFriendship first means: Trying to live down reputation as slutFun means: AnnoyingGentle means: ComatoseGood Listener means: Hard to pull a word from herHumorous means: CausticIntuitive means: Your opinion doesn't countIn Transition means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the billsLight drinker means: LushLooks younger means: If viewed from far away in bad lightLoves Travel means: If you're payingLoves Animals means: Cat ladyNon-traditional means: Ex-husband lives in the basementOpen-minded means: DesperateOutgoing means: LoudPassionate means: LoudPoet means: Depressive SchizophrenicRedhead means: Shops on the Clairol aisleReliable means: FrumpyReubenesque means: You can figure this one outRomantic means: Looks better by candle lightSelf-employed means: JoblessSmart means: InsipidSpecial means: Rode the small schoolbus w/ tinted windowsSpiritual means: Involved with a cultStable means: BoringTall, thin means: AnorexicTan means: WrinkledWants Soulmate means: One step away from stalkingWidow Nagged means: first husband to deathWriter means: PompousYoung at heart means: How about the rest

|SEMINARS FOR WOMEN In response to the seminar offerings by the female staff, the male staff has created a set of courses for females of all marital status. The following courses will be offered: General Education: GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly ''Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic'') GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One GE104: How to Parallel Park GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera Home Economics: HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly ''How to Cut Credit Cards in Half'') HE103: Overcoming ''The Imelda Syndrome'' (formerly called ''How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?'') Interpersonal Relationships: IR101: How to Say ''No'' With Kindness and Appreciation IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b) IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly ''Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too'') IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called ''We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!'')

Did you hear Lassie had a son with a Rottweiler?It rips off your arm, then runs for help.

A man rented a camel to make a trip to an important customer out in the desert. There was only one camel available, and it had one little problem, the guy told him. Periodically, this camel would stop and refuse to move until somebody beat it off. The man is desperate, so he decides he will go along with that. He sets off into the desert. Sure as hell, he has to beat off the camel every day for the first three days. On the fourth day, the camel stops again and refuses to move, so the guy gets down and prepares to do his duty, but the camel quickly steps aside. He tries again, And again. Finally in exasperation he walks in front of the camel and says ''For Christ's sake, what do you want now?'' The camel puckers up and makes little sucking noises.

|Great truths about life that adults have learnedRaising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. There is always alot to be thankful for if you take the time to look. For example: I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of their tires. Families are like fudge....mostly sweet, with a few nuts. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

Ghost: Are you coming to my party?
Spook:
Where is it?
Ghost: In the morgue - you know what they say, the
morgue the
merrier.

Which ghost ate too much porridge?

Ghouldilocks.

Did you hear about the sick ghost?
He had
oooooo-ping cough.

How do you get a ghost to lie perfectly

flat?
You use a spirit level.

How do, like, really laid-back types answer
the phone?
Mellow.

Why did the chicken walk on the telephone
wire?
She wanted to lay it on the line!

What's the Arkansas state motto?If you can't keep it in your pants keep it in the family.Sent by Mike

If you take an Oriental person and spin himaround several times, does he become disoriented?