Newest jokes

Why did the monster put the
cake in the
freezer?
Because he had been told to ice it.

1st Monster: What is that son of
yours
doing these days ?
2nd Monster: He's at medical school.
1st
Monster: Oh, what's he studying ?
2nd Monster: Nothing, they're studying
him!

First monster: That
pretty girl over there
just rolled her eyes at me.
Second monster: Well you'd better roll
them back to her, she might
need them.

Where does a woodsman keep his pigs?
In his hog
cabin!

Where is the most open green space in New York

City?
Central Pork

Which of these jokes do the pigs like best?

The corniest ones.

Q: What's the worst thing about washing your cat?A: Getting the fur off your tongue afterwards.

''I think Rover is getting a bit old, he seems to be going deaf.''''Bullshit, watch this...Rover sit! Oh dear, you're right, I'll getthe shovel and clean it up!''

Here's a sad one...Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle? A: A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.

Q: How many DP's
does it take to
screw in a light bulb?
A: One. No, two. No... How many do we have on
the truck?

Q: How many DP's does it take to

screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, if he's got a good crew to do
it.

Q: How many Director's does it take to

screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one... but how do you get him in
there with the cute,
blonde?

Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater. ''That man beside me is fumbling his crotch'', one whispers to the other.''Just ignore it'', is the answer. ''Easy for you to say. He's using my hand!''.

Question: What do you call a lesbian
dinosaur?
Answer: A Lickalotopus.

Question: What is the difference between a woman

in church and a woman in a bathtub?
Answer: One has hope in her
soul, the other has soap in her
hole.

Did you hear the one about the blonde who

thought that ''love handles'' referred to her ears?

The blonde was at
the blood bank and sold a
pint of blood. As she was leaving counting her
$25, a man was
leaving counting his money. He had $40. She asked if he
had some rare
blood type that he got more than she did. He said no,
that he had
donated sperm. The next day the bimbo was back at the blood
bank. The
receptionist asked if she was there to donate blood. The blonde

could only shake her head, as her cheeks were bulging.

What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?Data transfer.

Why did the blonde go half way to Sweden and then turn around and come home?It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said''CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES''.By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.