Newest jokes

|A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat.He stopped the car and asked, ''Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?''''That it is, ''Irish Mike replied grimly, ''ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball.''''You mean you pinched his honor?'' asked Pat.''How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?'' demanded Mike.''Well,'' mused Pat, ''there's a lesson in this somewhere.''''That there is,'' replied Irish Mike....'' 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover.''

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a

centipede ?
A great walkie-talkie !

What do you get if your budgie flies into the

blender ?
Shredded Tweet !

What did they call the canary that flew into the

pastry dish ?
Tweetie Pie !

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up
?
Jail-birds !

What do you get if you cross a skunk
and an owl?
A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!

What do you call a flying skunk?
A
smellicopter!

Did you hear about the race horse that was so

late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!

Did you hear about the overweight
man who
took up horse riding as exercise?
The horse lost 15 pounds in a
week!

Did you hear about the man
with five keen
senses?
He still lacked common and horse!

Did you hear about the man who
received a
tip on a horse called Cigarette?
He didn't have enough money
tabaccer!

Did you hear about
the man who named his
horse Radish?

Be sure that you go
straight home after
school
I can't, I live just round the corner !

Teacher: That's quite a
cough you have
there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What
will you give me ?

Why did the chicken get sent off?
For
persistent fowl play!

Why were the two managers sitting around

sketching crockery before the start of the game?
It was a cup draw!

Where do football directors go when they are fed

up?
The bored room!

What's the biggest moth in the
world
?
A mammoth !

Why was the moth so unpopular ?
He kept
picking holes in everything !

Where is the monster's temple?
On the
side of his head.