Newest jokes

Q. ''Why do the commodes in
Marine
barracks have the cut-out type seats?''
A. ''So that if the seat falls while
they're drinking, it won't smack
them in the back of the head''

The story goes that Air Force One was

over the UK a few years ago and called up a USAF base ''Requesting

Radar''.

''What is you position?'' asked ATC

''You got radar
you find us'' Air Force One replied.

After a few minutes ATC
announced ''Air Force One we're changing
frequency''

''What
frequency are you changing to?'' asked Air Force One

''You've got 720
channels - you find us!'' ATC replied.

A
trooper asks a sergeant:

- Is it
true that man descended from a monkey?

- Yes, troopers possibly
were. But not sergeants.

A Maintenance
Battalion in Germany had
just received a brand new Executive Officer, an
Armor Major. The
Major proceeded to issue new SOP directives (Standard
Operating
Procedures) that WOULD be followed under all circumstances. One
of these
directives was that NO ONE over the rank of Staff Sergeant
would
drive their own vehicle, that was what the lower enlisted were for.

One morning, the Master Sergeant in charge of the S-2 shop of the

battalion had an intel report that was due at Division Headquarters within

the hour, and his clerk, a PFC, was off that morning because of
duty the
night before. The Sergeant felt that he had no choice, the
report HAD
to get to Division; so he got into his Jeep and started to
Division
Headquarters.

As he got to the gate, the XO stopped
him. In a very sarcastic voice he
said, ''Aren't we paying our
drivers a lot these days?''

The NCO, without missing a beat re
plied, ''Not at all, Sir, when you
consider what we are paying gate
guards.''

What kind of furniture do pigs like best?

Overstuffed.

Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives. Henry started by saying, ''I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a carpenter!''Tom answered, ''Ya, I think my wife is not faithful either.The other day I went home and found a pipe wrench and some pipes under my bed. I think she is cheatin' on me with a plumber!''Otis then joins in and says, ''Well, if you think that's bad, I've got one for ya. I went home yesterday and found a cowboy under my bed.I think my Lina is cheatin' on me with a horse!''

Q: What do you call a bull in the middle of a field spanking his monkey?A: Beef Stroganoff

What is a Chihuahua's
favorite sport?

Miniature golf!

What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?

A short one!

Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a
keyboard?
They're all paws.

What's a blonde's mating call? I think I'm drunk.

Q:How can you tell if a blond has been sleepwalking? A:When you look in the refridgorator and there's lipstick all over the pickles.

Q: Why was the blonde looking in the refrigerator? A: Because The organe Juice said concentrate

What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car? Dual air bags!

Our teacher
talks to herself does yours
?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening

!

Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil:
I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it
rattling from here do you
!

What do you get if you cross a firefly
and
a moth ?
An insect who can find its way around a dark wardrobe !

What do insects learn at school ?
Mothmatics
!

How do you make a butterfly ?
Flick it out
of the butter dish with a knife !

What insect lives on
nothing ?
A moth,
because it eats holes