Newest jokes

Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day
without having to tell
you off.
Pupil: You have my permission
!

What is the most religious insect
?
A
mosque-ito !

What has 6 legs, bits and talks in code ?
A
morese-quito !

Why are mosquitos religious ?
They prey on
you !

Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it

read ''one at a time, please''

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the
scale
it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat she's got her own
area
code!

What kind of dog is a person's best friend?
A
palmatian!

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a

meal ?
That hit the spots !

What do you call a boring
dog?
A
dull-mation!

Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian!
No need to, it
already has its own spots!

A woman went to the bar with a black eye.''How'd ya get that?'' asked the bartender.''From my husband,'' she replied.''But I thought he was out of town?'' he asked.''So did I!'' she said.

Policeman: I've had my eye on you for
some
time now.
Young Lady: That's funny. I thought you were
arresting me for
speeding.

Policeman: I suppose
you're going
to tell me you weren't speeding.
Motorist: I was speeding all right,
but I was testing you to see if you
were paying attention.

Policeman: How can you say
you
don't have any outstanding tickets?
Driver: They're all in the glove
compartment.

Policeman: How can you drive so

recklessly?
Driver: I have to, this is a getaway car.

Why did God create a man before
a
women?
You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they're
practicing to be men.

Give a man a fish and he will
eat for a
day.
Teach him how to fish and he will sit
in a boat and drink beer all
day.

One night a wife found her husband
standing
over their baby's
crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood
looking down at
the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of
emotions:
disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment,

skepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it

aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her

husband.

''A penny for your thoughts,'' she said.

''It's
amazing!'' he replied. ''I just can't see how anybody can
make a crib
like that for only $46.50.''