Newest jokes

Q: Why do blondes have orgasms?

A: So
they know when to stop having sex.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an

office?

A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the
bosses'
faces.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a
bag of
sugar on her head?

A: Sweet fuck all.

Q. What
did the blonde's left leg say to
her right leg? A: Between the two of
us, we can make a lot of
money.

A blonde was plugging dollar after dollar into thecoke machine at a large Vegas casino. She keptpunching the buttons only to have happen what you'dexpect. Cans of soda popped out, one after the other,and change too! After a while, she ran out of dollar bills so wentand got more. Back at it she went, blocking the wayto the other vending machines with the mounting pileof soda. All kinds. It didn't seem to matter to theyoung lady. People were starting to gather, seeing this beautifulwoman enthusiastically plugging money in like it wasfun. The people were gathering more though waiting theirturn at the machines. After watching a while, someone asked from the rear ofthe group, 'Hey, how much soda does one blonde need?' 'Hey back off, buddy,' she retorts, 'can't you see I'mwinning here?'

Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to
go out after school. I
promised Dad that I would stay in and help
him with my homework.

'Ann!' the teacher shouted one day at the

girl who had been daydreaming out the window. 'If India has the
world's
second largest population, oranges are 50 cents for six and it
costs $3
for a day return to Austin, how old am I ?
'Thirty
two!'
'Why did you say that ?'
'Well, my brother's sixteen and
he's half mad !'

Mother: Did you
enjoy the school outing,
dear ?
Jane: Yes, and we're going again tomorrow.
Mother: Really ?
Why's that ?
Jane: To try and find the kids we left behind.

Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I
overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too !

|St Peter is standing at heaven's gate when a man walks up.''Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?''''I was a policeman,'' he responded.''What kind of policeman?'' St Peter asked.''I was a vice officer. I kept dangerous narcotics out of the hands of kids.''''Wonderful my son, welcome to heaven. Pass through the gates.''A few moments later a second man walks up.''Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?''''I was a policeman,'' he responded.''What kind of policeman?'' St Peter asked.''I was a traffic officer. I kept the roads and highways safe for travelers.''''Well done. Pass through the gates into paradise.''A few moments later a third man walks up.''Welcome to heaven my son. What did you do with your life?''''I was a policeman,'' he responded.''What kind of policeman?'' St Peter asked.''I was a Military Policeman, Sir.''

A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. ''No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes,'' he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump.As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. ''Here,'' she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. ''I found them in the hallway.'' ''Now,'' she said, ''if only I could find my gerbil.''

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, severalbystanders ran over to help the driver. A women was the first to reach thevictim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. 'Step aside, lady,' hebarked. 'I've taken a course in first-aid!' The women watched for a fewminutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. 'Pardon me,' she said. 'But whenyou get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here.'

A guy calls the hospital. He says, ''You gotta send help! My wife's goinginto labor!''The nurse says, ''Calm down. Is this her first child?''He says, ''No! This is her husband!''

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.''WOW!'' was the response from everyone at the bar.Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartenderrecognized him and asked, ''Aren't you the father of the baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?'' The proud father answered, ''10 pounds.''The bartender said, ''Why? I know that babies lose some weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty pounds, didn't he? What happened?The proud Texas father said, ''Just had him circumcised!''

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo
mama so fat when she goes to an
amusement park, people try to ride
HER!

Yo mama so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and
it made a dollar!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no

one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she bunje jumps she goes

straight to hell!

Why are girls like pianos?When they're not upright, they're grand...