Newest jokes

What does an elephant use as a vibrator? An epilectic.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ? - Because it was dead. Why did the baby fall out of the tree ? - Because it was stapled to the monkey.

Why do elephants have 4 feet? -Because 4 inches isn't enough.

Two men were walking along the street when they cameupon a dog licking his dick.One man said, ''I sure wish I could do that.'' The other replied, ''You can, but you're probably goingto have to pet him first.''

- What do you think about the coming battle,

General?

- God knows it will be lost.

- Then why
should we go for it?

- To find out who is the loser.

What do you get if you cross the Lone Ranger
with
an insect ?
The Masked-quito !

What has antlers and sucks blood ?
A
moose-quito !

Why did the mosquito go to the dentist ?
To
improve his bite !

I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are

cross-eyed,
but when they cry the tears run down their back!

How many men does it take to change a roll of
toilet
paper?
No one knows, it's never happened.

How many men does it take to make

popcorn?
Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the

stove.

What's a man idea of helping with the
housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between a
man and
E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

A little girl was playing up a tree near a church. The priest was takinga walk when he happened to look up the tree and saw the little girl. Shehad no panties on. He called her down and gave her money to buy a pairof panties. The girl was so happy and told her mommy about it. The nextday when the priest was again taking his daily walk, he looked up thesame tree and saw the young girl's mother up there. She had no pantieson. He called her down and gave her two dollars to buy a razor.

Did you find my horse well

behaved?
Indeed, whenever we came to a fence he let me over first!

Did you
hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It
got angry and bit at the champ!

''Will I ever be able to race my horse again'' the

owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, ''You certainly will, and
you'll probably beat her
too!''

What do you call pigs in a demolition derby?

Crashing boars.

What do you call a pig with the flu?
A swine
swine.

What do you call a pig with no legs?
A
groundhog!