Newest jokes

What is black and white and red all over?
A
Dalmatian with a bad sunburn.

What is taller when it sits down than
when it
stands up?
A dog.

What do you call a crate of
ducks ?
A box
of quackers !

What language do birds speak ?
Pigeon English
!

How do you get a parrot to talk properly ?

Send him to polytechnic !

Which bird is always out of breath ?
A puffin
!

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing

hide-and-seek ?
Fowl play !

What insect runs away from everything ?
A
flee !

On Fred's 17th
birthday, his Dad
said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson.
As they got in
the car, the father said, ''Just one thing, Fred. If
you're going
to hit anything, make sure it's cheap.''

A man was in court charged with

parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked if he had anything

to say in his defense. ''They shouldn't put up such misleading

notices,'' said the man. ''It said FINE FOR PARKING HERE.''

What sort of a car has your dad
got?

I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T.
Really -
Ours only starts with gas.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because it says right on the box ''good for up to 20 pounds.''

What do you call a blonde lesbian? A waste.

Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam? She wasn't used to the front seat! Why did she finally pass her test? She took the examiner with her.

Q: What's the ultimate
embarrassment for a
blonde?

A: When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal
detector.

Q: Why did the blonde have
a
hysterectomy?

A: She wanted to stop having grandchildren.

Q: Why did the blonde make love in the
microwave?

A: She wanted to have a baby in 9 minutes.

Q. What do you call 1,000 heavily armed
lesbians?

A. Militia Etheridge

A Kentucky teacher was quizzing her students. ''Johnny, who signed theDeclaration of Independence?'' He said, ''Damn if I know.'' She was a littleput out by his swearing, so she told him to go home and to bring hisfather with him when he came back. Next day, the father came with his son,sat in the back of the room to observe. She started back in on her quizand finally got back to the boy. ''Now, Johnny, I'll ask you again. Whosigned the Declaration of Independence?'' ''Well, hell, teacher,'' Johnnysaid, ''I told you I didn't know.'' The father jumped up in the back,pointed a stern finger at his son, and said, ''Johnny, if you signed thatdamn thing, hell, you damn well better admit it!''Sent by Kelly

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.''Sure you can, Mickey,'' Charlie said, ''Just flap your armsreally *really* hard.'' So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below.Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and said, ''What the hell happened?!?''Charlie said, ''I was just teaching Mickey not to believeeverything someone tells him.''