Apple jokes 

What lives in apples and is an
avid reader?

A bookworm !

First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's
eating
you?
Second apple: Worms, I think.

The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once

a woman began screaming. ''You've got to help me! There's a giant

gray thing in my yard, and it's pulling apples off the tree with
its
tail!'' ''What's he doing with the apples?'' the sergeant asked.
''If I
told you,'' the woman cried, ''you wouldn't believe me!''

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?

Take a snorkel.

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. ''Dad!'' he
puffed,
''is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?''

''That's what they say,'' said his Dad.
''Well, give me an apple quick ?
I've just broken the doctor's
window!''

What did one
maggot say to the other who was
stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one, then!

Why didn't the two worms go
into Noah's ark
in an apple?
Because everyone had to go in pairs !

School lunches are not generally popular with

those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
''What
kind of pie do you call this ?'' asked one schoolboy

indignantly.
''What's it taste of ?'' asked the cook.
''Glue!''
''Then it's
apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap.''

How do you
make an apple puff?
Chase it
round the garden

What do you get if you cross an apple with a

shellfish?
A crab apple !

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to
eat
the apple.

Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school
yard. One
had an apple and the other said, ''Watch out for worms
won't you!'' The
first one replied, ''Why should I? They can watch out
for
themselves.''

Once upon a time there were five apples
Which
was the cowboy?
None - because they were all redskins.

What can a whole apple do that half an apple

can't do?
It can look round.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what
does
an onion do?
Keeps everyone away.

Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why?

The orchard's on fire.

Two girls were having their packed lunch in

the school yard. One had an apple and the other said,
'Watch out for
worms won't you !'
The first one replied, 'why should I ? They
can watch out for
themselves.

How does an apple a day keep the doctor
away?

When you take careful aim.

What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
An
outboard apple.

What is the left side of an apple?
The part
that you don't eat.