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Náhodný vtip

Student pride na skusku, potiahne listok s otazkou, precita, nahodi zhrozeny vyraz a pyta sa: Pan profesor, mozem si vytiahnut inu otazku? No tak dobre. - profesor mal ocividne dobru naladu. Ale toto sa opakovalo niekolkokrat, az nakoniec profesora presla trpezlivost a hovori: Dajte index! - a zapisal mu za tri. Ked student cely stastny odisiel, asistent sa pyta: Preco ste mu to dali? Ved nic nevedel. Nieco vediet musel, ked tak usilovne hladal!

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Police Jokes 

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Jokes found: 8543

''When I saw you driving down the
road, I
guessed 55 at least.''

''You're wrong, officer, it's only my hat
that makes me look that
old.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A tourist asks a man in uniform, ''Are you a
policeman?''

''No, I am an undercover detective.''

''So why are
you in uniform?''

''Today is my day off.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A cop pulls a car over on the highway for

speeding. When he asks for the driver's license, the driver argued,

''Speeding??? But officer, I was only trying to keep a safe distance
between
my car the the car in back of me.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway,

feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed.

However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared
speed
detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him
the citation, received his signature and was
about to walk away when
the man asked, ''Officer, I know I was speeding,
but I don't think
it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around
me who were
going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?''

''Ever go a
fishin'?'' the policeman suddenly asked the man.

''Ummm, yeah...'' the
startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, ''Did you
ever catch 'em all?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Two robbers were
robbing a hotel. The first
one said, ''I hear sirens. Jump!''

The second one said, ''But
we're on the 13th floor!''

The first one screamed back, ''This is no
time to be
superstitious.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A client of a hospital where they made brain
transplantations asked
about the prices.

The doctor said,
''Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain
belonged to a NASA
top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a
policeman's brain as
well. It costs $50,000.''

The client asked, ''What? How's that
possible?''

The doctor replied, ''You see, it's totally unused.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Little Tommy's kindergarten class was on a
field trip to
their local police station. There they saw pictures
tacked to a big
bulletin board. The label clearly read, ''The 10 Most
Wanted.''

One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if
it really was
the photo of a wanted person.

''Yes,'' said the
policeman, ''the detectives want him very badly.''

So Little Tommy
asked, while tugging on the man's belt, ''Um, mister,
why didn't
you keep them when you took their pictures?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A lady was
filling her tank at a gas
station, smoking a cigarette, even though all
the signs say not to. The
fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited,
severely burning her
hands.

But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling
on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took
off running
down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it
happened and he tried to
stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept
running and screaming.
All the officer could think of doing was to
shoot her. This took
everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to
her and put the fire out, then
called for an ambulance.

When
questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer

said, ''My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a

fire-arm.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A
squad car driver was covering a quiet
beat out in the sticks when he was
amazed to find a former lieutenant
on the police force covering the
beat.

He stopped the car
and asked, ''Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your
new beat out here
in the sticks, would it?''

''That it is, ''Irish Mike replied
grimly, ''ever since I arrested the
judge on his way to the masquerade
ball.''

''You mean you pinched his honor?'' asked Pat.

''How
was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?''
demanded
Mike.

''Well,'' mused Pat, ''there's a lesson in this
somewhere.''

''That there is,'' replied Irish Mike....'' 'Tis wise never to book a

judge by his cover.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

John was driving when a policeman pulled him

over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, ''Is there a

problem, Officer?''

''No problem at all. I just observed your
safe driving and am pleased
to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver
Award. Congratulations. What do you
think you're going to do with the
money?''

John thought for a minute and said, ''Well, I guess I'll
go get that
drivers' license.''

Judi, sitting in the
passenger seat said to the policeman, ''Oh, don't
pay attention to him --
he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and
stoned.''

Brian
from the back seat said, ''I told you guys we wouldn't get far
in a
stolen car!''

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and
a muffled voice
said, ''Are we over the border yet?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and

the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did
stop.

After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that
he
didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.

The gentleman
said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'.

The cop
pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for
about
a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just

slow down?'

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

At recent trade talks the American
representative offered to
sell sophisticated American telephone technology to
the Russians.

American : ''In the United States, anyone can pick
up any phone and
dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect
them with the police.''

Russian : ''In Russia we don't require
that you dial
anything.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

One day there was a woman who lost her cat
named
''LOVE.'' It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So,
thinking
that he might be down the street, she put on her
house-coat and went
looking for him.

When a police officer stopped to
ask what she was doing, she said very
honestly, ''I'm looking for
LOVE.'' The policeman arrested her on the
spot.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A traffic Policeman recently
stopped a
woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver
her
name.

She said, ''I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from
the
Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in
Columbia.''

As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away

his summons book and pen, and said, ''Well... OK... but don't let
me
catch you speeding again.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

This guy walked into a little corner store

with a shot gun and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After

the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch

that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier
to put
it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said
''Because I
don't believe you are over 21.''

The robber said he
was, but the clerk still refused to give the scotch
to him because
he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took
his drivers
license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.

The clerk
looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact over 21
and he
put the scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store
with
his loot.

The cashier promptly called the police and gave the
name and address of
the robber that he got off of the license. They
arrested the robber two
hours later.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting
at the same
time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the
window... ''Pull over!''

''No,'' she shouts back, ''a pair of socks!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced

with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest
your
mother?

New Recruit: Call for backup!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

There was an inebriated driver who was

pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell

out.

''YOU'RE DRUNK!'' exclaimed the police
officer.

''Thank God for that!'' said the drunk, ''I thought the steering had

gone.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car
speeding through
an automated radar.

A $40 speeding ticket was
included.

Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of
$40.

The police responded with another mailed photo -- of
handcuffs.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

The cop got out of his car
and the kid,
that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

''I've been
waiting for you all day,'' the cop said.

The guy replied, ''Yeah,
well I got here as fast as I could.'' When the
cop finally stopped
laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

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