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Náhodný vtip

Preco nemozu "lampasaka" popravit na elektrickom kresle? Protoze "guma" izoluje...

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Women 

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Feminist's Fairytale!! Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, ''I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.'' That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, ''I don't think so.''

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What's the white stuff you find in the bottom of girls' undies? Clitty litter.

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A new medical study has shown that a woman's breast-feeding isn't adversely affected by aerobics. It was found, however, to be pretty distracting to guys in the class.

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Titicons (.)(.) tiny tits (o) (o) regular tits ( O )( O ) big tits ( @ ) ( @ ) big harry tits ( ' ) ( ' ) perky tits {.} {.} shriveled tits ( , ) ( , ) drippy tits [ _ ] [ _ ] android tits ( # ) ( # ) Tysoned tits

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NEW ELEMENTS ON THE PERIODIC TABLE Element: WOMAN Symbol: Wo Atomic Weight: 120 (more or less) Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze anytime. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amount of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed beside a better specimen. Ages rapidly. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for disintegration of wealth. Probably the single most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element: MAN Symbol: XY Common Name(s): Varies anywhere from John to !@#$&*! Atomic Weight: 180 +/-100 Physical Properties: Solid at room temperature, but easily gets bent out of shape. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young, fresh samples. Chemical Properties: Attempts to bond with Wo any chance it can get. Also, tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (element Kid) for a prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None really, except methane production. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of Wo, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

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Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it. Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could do it better. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear high heels to bed. Good girls say, ''No.'' Bad girls say, ''When?''

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Why are girls like pianos?When they're not upright, they're grand...

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3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatalcheck-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.Suddnely the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...''What was that?'', the other two ask, curiously.''Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby'', she replies, pattingher stomach affectionately.Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes abottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..''What was that?'', the other two enquire''Vitamin tablet'', she replies, ''Good for mommy, good for little baby'' andshe pats her stomach affectionately.All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, takes abottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..''What was that?'' ask the other two..''Thalidomide. I can't knit sleeves...''

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Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.

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A WOMAN'S SCHEDULE1. Get up. 2. Pee. 3. Drink raspberry-cranberry tea. 4. Pee. 5. Apply makeup. Pee first so you don't have to stop in the middle. 6. Drive to work. Pee at gas station. Complain about dirty restroom. Go to a different gas station and pee there. 7. Get to work at Burger King. Pee. Wash hands. 8. Lunch. Slimfast. Pee. 9. Arrive home. Pee. Shower. Pee. 10. Promise sex to husband. Pee. Get up in the middle of sex and pee. 11. Pee. Go to bed. Get up at 3 A.M. waking husband but instead of giving him head, go and pee.

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Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

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What has a woman got in common with a box of Kentucky Fried Chicken?Once you get past the tender breast and the juicy thigh, all you're leftwith is a greasy box.

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What does a girl with bulimia call two fingers?Desert.

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Why do women get PMS?THEY JUST FUCKING DO ALRIGHT!?

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Why do they call it PMS?Mad Cow disease was already taken.

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A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badlyscrewed she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lampwashing up onshore.She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As aconsolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, hecautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give herex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makesher first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grantsher wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollarbills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of10 billion dollars.The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. Thesecond wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own privatebeach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds gain thather ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points own the beachto a small development of ten such mansions.Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish.Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the geniethat she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, thegenie again warns her that her ex-husband will get tentimes what she wishes for.No problem, said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. For my last wish...''Id like to give birth to twins''.

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A young girl goes to the gynecologist and he examines her.He says,''You have acute vaginitis.''She says ''Thank you.''

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Did you hear about Tempura House?It's a shelter for lightly battered women.

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What does a woman of 40 have between her breasts that a woman of 20doesn't?A belly-button!

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Age FAVORITE FANTASY 17 tall, dark and handsome 25 tall, dark and handsome with money 35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain 48 a man with hair 66 a man

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