Blonds 

A Blonde A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, ''I've kidnapped you.'' She then wrote a note saying, ''I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.'' The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, ''How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?''

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''shut up...you're next!''

What happened to the blonde ice hockey team? They drowned in Spring training.

This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat ofhis car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, ''Do you wantto move to the back seat?''She replies, ''NO!'' Flabbergasted, he says, ''Why Not?''To which she replies, ''Well, I want to stay up here with you. It'dbe lonely back there!''

This blonde goes into the drugstore looking for a birthday card. Sheasks the clerk if they have any new and different cards -- somethingunusual. The clerk points her to a new card just in that day -- ''HappyBirthday to the Boy who Popped My Cherry.''The blonde replied, ''How cool! I'll take the whole box!''

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered theelevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, ''T-G-I-F'' (letters only).He smiled at her and replied, ''S-H-I-T'' (letters only).''She looked at him, puzzled, and said, ''T-G-I-F'' again.He acknowledged her remark again by answering, ''S-H-I-T.''The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly ''T-G-I-F'' another time.The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, ''S-H-I-T.''The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, ''T-G-I-F,Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?''The man answered, ''Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.''

''I can't find a cause for your illness,'' the doctor said. ''Frankly, I think it's due to drinking.''''In that case,'' replied his blonde patient, ''I'll come back when you are sober.''

Why did the blond get fired from the M&M's Factory?She threw away all the w's.Sent by Chris

Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.Sent by Chris

Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had nolessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and thenhorse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady andrhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from thesaddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to geta firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides downthe side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seeminglyimpervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, sheleaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is nowat the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is batteredagainst the ground again and again. She is mere moments away fromunconsciousness when........ ........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

I was shopping at our local supermarket.When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead ofme.As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,''Paper or plastic?''''It doesn't matter,'' she replied, ''I'm bisacksual.''

What do a moped and a blonde have in common? They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

How do you confuse a blond?You don't, they're born that way.

What do you do when a Blonde throws a grenade at you?Pull the pin and throw it back.

How do you get a blonde's eyes to sparkle? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

How did the blond break her leg while raking leaves?She fell out of the treesent by Chris

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because it says right on the box ''good for up to 20 pounds.''

What do you call a blonde lesbian? A waste.

Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam? She wasn't used to the front seat! Why did she finally pass her test? She took the examiner with her.