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Náhodný vtip

U nas je fasa - rozbehnes sa zo skaly, skocis - tresk do mora! Tresk? Hadam splech si chcel povedat nie? Jaaj, no to ked je priliv, tak potom splech.

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Sex Jokes 

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There were three brothers who bought a three story house. The eldest brother had the top floor, the middle had the middle floor, and the youngest got the bottom floor.A little while after they moved in, the eldest brother brought over his girlfriend. During that night, the two younger brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.The next morning, the younger brothers asked their brother what the noise they'd heard last night was. He replied, ''Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl.''The middle brother was excited by that, so he brought over his girlfriend the next night. During that night, the two other brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, ahhh.The eldest and youngest asked him what the noise in his room last night was. He replied, ''Click- turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and Ahhh-landed on my girl.''Now, the youngest brother was really excited. So he brought over his girlfriend, and that night, the older brothers heard the following sounds: Click, swish, fftt, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!In the morning, the older brothers asked him what the noise in his room was. So, he said, ''Click-turned off the light. Swish-ran across the room. Fftt-farted, and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-landed on the bedpost!

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A man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together one Halloween, but when the time came to go the party, the woman told him to go on without her, because she said she had a terrible headache. The man reluctantly did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful her man really was. She put on a different costume and went to the party. When she got there she saw her husband dancing with a young girl in a sexy costume. Now, even more suspicious, she decided to really put him to the test. She danced with him and whispered that they should sneak into a bedroom. She insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him. Fuming, she ran home to wait for his return. When he got there, she innocently asked if he'd had fun. He told her he hadn't. After a few minutes at the party, he and some guys had gone across the street to play poker. He added, ''The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell of a time, though!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years.As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses heron the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, ''Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us.Be strong, honey. I love you.''To which the wife responds, ''He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom.Be strong, honey, I love you, too.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

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A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron.He turned to her and said, ''This is a special day, I'm celebrating.''''What a coincidence,'' said the woman, ''I'm celebrating, too''. She clinked glasses with him and asked, ''What are you celebrating?''''I'm a chicken farmer,'' he replied. ''For years all my hens were infertile, but today they'refinally fertile.''''What a coincidence, the woman said. ''My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'mpregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?'' she asked.''I switched cocks,'' he replied.''What a coincidence,'' she said.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

TWO MEN SITTING BESIDE ONE ANOTHER IN A BAR.THE 1ST MAN IS AN AVERAGE SIZE GUY WEIGHINGABOUT 170 LBS.THE 2ND MAN IS A HUGE FAT GUY WEIGHING ABOUT375 LBS.THE 2ND GUY ASKS THE 1ST GUY. ''WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN, DO YOU ALWAYS HIT BOTTOM?''THE 1ST GUY REPLIES, ''IT DEPENDS ON THE WOMAN,HOW ABOUT YOU?''THE 2ND GUY REPLIES, ''I ALWAYS HIT BOTTOM, NOMATTER WHO I'M WITH.''OF COURSE YOU CAN'T HELP BUT TO HIT BOTTOM WHEN YOU ''MASH IT FLAT''.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Look in the mirror!!!!!!!1

Hodnotenie:
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A guy went to a travel agent and tried to book a two week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. The travel agent said that all the ships were booked up and things were very tight, but that he would see what he could do. A couple of days later, the travel agent phoned and said he could now get them onto a three day cruise. The guy agreed and went to the drugstore to buy three Dramamine's and three condoms.Next day, the agent called back and said that he now could book a five day cruise. The guy said, ''I'll take it,'' and returned to the same pharmacy, to buy two more Dramamine's and two more condoms.The following day, the travel agent called yet again and said he could now book an eight day cruise. The guy agreed, and went back to the drugstore. He asked for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.The pharmacist looked sympathetically at him and said, ''Look, if it makes you sick, why do you keep doing it?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first class section of the plane.The woman sneezes, takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and shudders quite violently in her seat.The man isn't sure why she is shuddering and goes back to reading.A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders quite violently in her seat.The man is becoming more and more curious about the shuddering.A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue, gently wipes her nose and shudders violently again.The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says, ''Three times you've sneezed and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped your nose then shuddered violently! Are you sending me signals, or are you going crazy?''The woman replies, ''I'm sorry if I disturbed you. I have a rare condition and when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.''The man, now feeling a little embarrassed but even more curious says, ''I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it?''The woman looks at him and says, ''Pepper.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

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