Restaurant jokes 

Waiter, what is this bug doing on
my
wives shoulder!
I don't know - friendly thing isn't he !

Two little boys were
visiting their
grandfather and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They
couldn't
make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the
grandfather grinned at the server and said, ''Just bring
them bread and
water.''
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, ''Can I have
ketchup on
it?''

I went to a restaurant that serves

-breakfast at any time.- So I ordered French Toast during the

Renaissance.

''What's the matter with your dinner
?''
''Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor

later what I've eaten !''

A out-of-towner in New York at the height
of the tourist season
decided to revisit an uptown restaurant he'd
enjoyed on a previous
trip to the city. Finally catching the eye of
an overworked waiter, he
said, ''You know, it's been over five
years since I first came in here.''

''You'll have to wait your turn,
sir,'' replied the harried and now
irritated waiter, ''I can only
serve one table at a time.''

At which fast food
restaurant is a
hamburger happiest?
Arthur Treacher's Fish and Chips!

Is your food spicy Sir ?
No, smoke
always comes out of my ears !

Young woman sat down in small

restaurant, a waitress came over to take her order.
''I'll have a hamburger
please.''
''Burger!'' she yelled over her shoulder. Then woman added.
''Make that
well done.''
Waitres turned away again.
''Torture
it!'' she yelled.

There was an awful fight at the seafood
restaurant.
Four fish got battered!

Waiter, waiter, does the pianist play

requests?
Yes, sir. Then ask him to play tiddlywinks until I've
finished my
meal.

The headwaiter of an elegant restaurant

recoiled in disgust as a man in boots, torn jeans and a leather jacket

approached him. ''Hey, man,'' he said, ''where's the toilet?''
''Go
down the hall and turn left, ''replied the headwaiter. ''When you
see
the sign marked 'Gentlemen; pay no attention to it and go right on

in.''

Sign at restaurant reads:
Eat here diet
home

An American tourist was lunching in a
restaurant
in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained
each dish as
he brought it to the table. ''This is the breast of the
duck; this the
leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc.''
Then came the
dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited
for the explanation.
Silence. ''Well?'' he finally asked, ''What's
this?'' The waiter
replied, ''It's a friend of duck.''

Q:What did one plate say to the other
plate?
A:('Lunch is on me!')

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner

one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken

almondine and fresh fish.
''The chicken sounds good; I'll have
that,'' the woman says.
The waiter nods. ''And the vegetable?'' he
asks.
''Oh, he'll have the fish,'' she replies.