Men Jokes 

Q. What's the best way to force a man
to do
sit ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes.

Q. What's a man's idea
of honestly in a
relationship?
A. Telling you his real name.

Q. What do you instantly know
about a
well-dressed man?
A. His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q. What should you give a man who has
everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.

Q. What makes a man think about a candlelight

dinner?
A. A power failure.

Q. Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A.
Because they're all pigs.

Q. Why do men need instant replay on TV
sports?
A. Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Q. Why do men like smart women?
A. Opposites
attract.

Q. Why do men like love at first site?
A. It
saves them a lot of time.

Q. What do you
call a woman who knows where
her husband is every night?
A. A widow.

Q. How can you tell if a man
is happy?
A.
Who cares?

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q: What's the best
way to kill a man?
A:
Put a naked woman and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to

pick only one.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed

gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the
pillow down long enough.

Q. Why do men buy electric
lawn mowers?
A.
So they can find their way back to the house.

Q. How many men does it
take to wallpaper a
bathroom?
A. Three, if you slice them very thinly.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that
are
sensitive,
caring, and good-looking?
A. Because those men
already have boyfriends.

Q: How do you keep your
husband from reading
your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to ''instruction manuals''

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving
her money, furs and diamonds.

How do you lose fourteen stone of fat?
Dump
him.