Novacikom na vojne vysvetluju standartne postupy supavania sa na bojisku. Jeden je zvedavy aky je postup ak stupi na minu. Prednasajuci kapitan mu odpoveda : Zo vsetkeho najskor zachovaj pokoj a nerob paniku, potom vyskocis asi meter do vzduchu a plynulo sa rozptylis po okoli.

Na Immigration office pri vyplnani formulara: Dostojnik: - Sex? Ziadatel: - Ano, kazdy den... Dostojnik: Nie, nie, nie... Muz alebo Zena? Ziadatel : Na tom nezalezi...

Anglicka jednotka sa utaborila na brehu rieky v hlbokej dzungli. Vojak poslany pre vodu sa obratem vratil. "Pane," hlasi velitelovi, "v rieke je obrovsky krokodil, bojim sa nabrat vodu!" "Vojak," zahrmel dostojnik, "co to je za blbost! Ten krokodil sa vas boji 10x viac, nez vy jeho!" "To je mozne, pane. Ak sa vsak sa ten krokodil boji len z polovice ako ja, tak uz sa ta voda neda aj tak pit .."

Pride policajt do masiarstva a chce salamu. Predavacka mu vravi: "Mame, ale len tocenu" "To nevadi, ja mam v aute kanyster"

Zacala horiet policajna stanica. Policajti museli pred ohnom utiect az na strechu. Ked prisli hasici, roztiahli plachtu a policajti zacali po jednom skakat. Ale vzdy, ked policajt skocil, tak hasici s plachtou uhli, a strasne se smiali, ked sa policajt dole rozmazol na kasu. Az prisiel na radu nacelnik. Ten tusil podraz, tak vytiahol pistol, namieril na hasicov a vravi: "Mna neoblafnete! Ruky hore, plachtu na zem a vsetci tri kroky dozadu!"

Policajt stoji na krizovatke. Po chvili zastavi auto, ktore soferuje dievcina: Prekrocila ste rychlost, zaplatite pokutu. Viete, pan policajt, ja som vysokoskolacka a tento rok koncim. Budem zarabat a potom vam zaplatim. Tak sa aj stalo. O rok sa situacia opakuje s inym studentom: Prekrocil ste rychlost, zaplatite pokutu... Viete, ja som vysokoskolak a nemam peniaze, ale tento rok koncim a potom vam zaplatim. Mna nedobehnete. Vysokoskolaci koncili minuly rok.

A sex therapist was doing research at the local college when one of the male volunteers told him, ""When I get it in part way, my vision blurs. And when I get it all the way in, I can't see a thing.""""Hmmm...that's an interesting optical reaction to sex,"" said the researcher. ""Would you mind if I had a look at it?""So the volunteer stuck out his tongue!

A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000.The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:1 screw $1 Knowing how to put it in $4999 $5000 totalThe businessman never argued.

A young couple left the sex therapist's office determined to develop more effective body language.""Alright,"" said the husband, ""when I want sex, I'll rub your right breast. When I don't want sex, I'll rub your left breast.""""Okay,"" said the wife, ""What should I do then?""""Well, when you want to have sex,"" he told her, ""rub my penis once. When you don't want any sex, rub it 200 times.""

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic, his surgeon comes in and tells him: ""Well, I've got good news and I've got bad news for you.""""Give me the bad news first, Doc."" says the patient. ""I'm afraid that we accidentally cut your balls off during surgery, son."" ""Oh my god!"" the patient cries, breaking into tears. ""But the good news,"" the doctor adds, ""is that we had them biopsied and you'll be relieved to know that they weren't malignant!""

""What kind of job do you do?"" a lady passenger asked the man traveling in her compartment.""I'm a naval surgeon,"" he replied.""Goodness!"" said the lady, ""How you doctors specialize these days!""

""I'm worried,"" said the woman to her sex therapist. ""I happened to find my daughter and the little boy next door both naked and examining each other's bodies.""""That's not unusual,"" smiled the therapist. ""I wouldn't worry about it.""""But I am worried, doctor,"" insisted the woman, ""and so is my daughter's husband!""