Newest jokes

Top 10 Reasons No One Wants to go into Space with John Glenn again:10. The horror of seeing the effects of G-Forces on wrinkles.9. Kept using the Hubble to find his glasses.8. Everytime he sneezed, his teeth flew out.7. Forgot where he was each morning, kept grabbing for Scott while callinghim ''Annie''.6. Constantly complaining about being ''Stiff all over'' while eyeingChiaki.5. Couldn't get him to stop doing the ''Viagra'' experiment.4. When warned, ''There's a Meteor Shower ahead'', he thought they said,''Shower cause he'd peed the bed''.3. Couldn't seem to ever attach his urinal bag properly.2. There's a real good reason why we call old men ''Old Farts''.1. The Prunetang worked, but the Depends didn't.

THE Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treating Is Better Than Sex:10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 7. You don't have to compliment the person who gave it to you.6. Person you're with doesn't fantasize you're someone else. 5. If you get a stomach ache, it won't last 9 months. 4. If you wear your Batman mask, no one thinks you're kinky. 3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.2. Less guilt the next morning. ... and the number one reason trick-or-treating is better than sex .... 1. IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, YOU CAN ALWAYS GO NEXT DOOR!

How do you know when a nymphomaniac drove your car?The gear shift is wet!!

Q: How did the frog cross the
road when a
truck was coming? A: SPLAT!!! He didn't.

A double whammy:Why do elephants paint thier testicles red?So they can hide in cherry trees.What's the loudest noise in the jungle?A Monkey eating cherries.

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the

zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a

ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the
zoo. A
twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence
was forty
feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the
kangaroo, ''How high
do you think they'll go?''
The kangaroo said,
''About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the
gate at night!''

Why did the Irishman buy two tickets to the zoo?

One to get in and one to get out.

I was in the zoo last week.
Really? Which cage
were you in?

I took my son to the zoo yesterday.
Really,
did they accept him?

Some vampires went to see Dracula. They
said,
''Drac, we want to open a zoo. Have you got any advice?''
''Yes,''
replied Dracula, ''have lots of giraffes.''

Why is a psychiatrist like a

squirrel?
Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

What do you know when you see three

rabbits walking down the street wearing tuxedos and top hats?
You
know you need a psychiatrist!

Doctor ! Doctor ! I think I'm
going
crazy. I have a carrot growing out of my ear.
Amazing ! so you have.
How could that have happened ?
I can't understand it either,
because I planted cabbage !

Q: What kind of a car does a crazy man

drive?
A: A LOCOmotive.

Q. What has one horn and gives milk?

A A milk truck.

The only thing wrong with a perfect
drive to work is that you
end up at work.

Hawk and Tom were talking in the bar.

Hawk said,'' I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60.''
Tom
looked at him, amazed. '' Breaking 60? That's amazing!''
Hawk smiled
and said,'' Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that
fast!''

A man wanted a new aardvark so he looked

through the classified ads. He phoned a number he found and an elderly

lady answered.
''How much are your aardvarks?'' he asked.

''They're L6 each,'' came the reply.
''Did you raise them yourself?''
inquired the man.
''Oh yes,'' she said, ''Yesterday they were only L5
each.''

How do
you define an aardvark?
Aan
aanimal that resembles an aanteater!

Which aardvark holds the speed record?
The
nearsighted aardvark, who wrapped his tongue around a

motorcycle!