Newest jokes

|Q: How many letters are there in the alphabet?A: Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.

|Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?A: Subordinate clauses!

What two words have thousands of letters in
them?
Post office.

Q. What do tired line dancers do?
A. They
Line Down :-)

My dance partner dumped me for my best
friend.
Why? Was he a better dancer?
Don't know, I never met him.

Which dance will a chicken not do ?
The
foxtrot !

What is a frog's favorite dance?
The Lindy
Hop.

What is a duck's favorite dance ?
The
quackstep !

|While driving down the road the motorist saw a roadside stand which had a fortune teller sitting under an umbrella. She was just sitting there smiling and laughing. The motorist passed on by and went a couple of miles on down the road. All of a sudden he spun his car around and sped back toward the fortune teller. As he got closer to the still laughing fortune teller he began to slow down. He pulled up next to the woman and jumped out of his car and suddenly began slapping and beating her.A policeman passing by screeched to a stop and wrestled the man to the ground. After cuffing the man he stood him up and asked him, ''What do you think you're doing?''After a moment the man replied, ... ''Well, I've always wanted to strike a happy medium.''

|A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic.He walks up to the drivers window and asks, ''You drinkin'?''The driver said, ''You buyin'?''

|A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were robbing a supermarket when a police officer walked in the store.The three women decide to hide in three potato sacks.The cop kicks the first bag, and the brunette says, ''meow'', the cop says, ''oh, its only a cat''He kicks the second bag, and the redhead says, ''woof, woof''. The cop says, ''its only a dog''.He kicks the third bag, and the blonde says, ''potato''

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?Four. Actually, only one to screw it in.The other 3 are there to listen to himbrag about the screwing part!

There were those three guys, a
priest, a
doctor and an engineer, and they were playing golf. But the
group
before them was extremely slow and at each hole they waited hours.

Finally the priest asked around, why was that other group was so slow? He

was told that they were very courageous firemen who saved the golf

course a couple of years ago from a terrible fire, in which they all
lost
their sight. As a proof of appreciation they were given the
right to
play on the course whenever they wanted. They like that a
lot, but being
blind they are just not too good at hitting the ball,
let alone finding
it after it's hit.
The priest said, ''Oh my
this is terrible. Tonight I'll say a little
prayer for these
courageous souls.''
The doctor heard that and said ''Don't worry. I'll send
them to a
friend of mine, he's an ophtalmologist and he works
wonders.''
The engineer said ''Wait. Why can't they just play at ni
ght?''

Two blind man at a cinema: ''Can you see

something ?''
''No''.
''Then let's go in front !''

Why do they call it a ''kilt''?Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.

A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, ''We have the Parthenon''The Italian says, ''We have the Colosseum''The Greek says ''We had great Mathematicians''The Italian says ''We had the Roman Empire''...and so on and so on and then the Greek says: ''We invented sex''The Italian says ''That is true, but it was the Italians whointroduced it to women.''

What did Arafat say to Clinton?''Sheep don't talk, my friend.''

What's the best form of birth control after 50?Nudity

|How do men define a 50/50 relationship?We cook/they eat we clean/they dirty we iron/they wrinkle!

|Reasons computers must be maleThey have a lot of data but are still clueless.A better model is always just around the corner.They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.It is always necessary to have a backup.They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.The best part of having either one is the games you can play.The lights are on but nobody's home.