Newest jokes

I saw the most beautiful
cars in the
window of a dealership recently. A sales man came out and
said:
'Come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!'

Later I learned he was talking about the payments.

A businessman was traveling in the train
and his
seat was reserved in the last couch of the train. Every
time the train
stops at station and he faced so much of problem as all
shops to
purchase eatables were far off. He was very upset and
every time he was
remembering that's all happened because I am in the
last couch. When he got
down at the destination station, he asked
the station person that he
wants to lodge a complaint against the
railway staff. The complaints and
suggestions book was given to him
and he wrote: '' There should not be
any last couch in the train. If
there is any last couch in the train,
it should be kept somewhere
in the middle.

A sardarji
was working as editor in
a daily newspaper. Once he was travelling to
Bombay to deliver a
speech about railway department improvements. His
coach was the last
coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and
so
sardarji's coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare
for the
speech.

Annoyed by the event, the next day in the meeting, his
first point
towards improvement of railway department was: ''There
should not be last
coach in any train.''

A patient asked the dentist, if it
wasn't
nasty to be all the day with the hands in someone's mouth.
The
dentist answered ''I just think of it as having my hands in their

wallet.''

Gerald: ''Have you ever come across a man who,
at the
slightest touch, caused you to thrill and tremble in every
fiber of your
being?''
Mabel: ''Yes, the dentist.''

How do you make a Venetian blind?
Poke him in
the eye

Why did Dr Frankenstein have his telephone
cut off?
Because he wanted to win the Nobel prize!

The new office-boy came
into his boss's
office and said, ''I think you're wanted on the phone,
sir.''

''What d'you mean, you think?'' demanded the boss.
''Well, sir, the
phone rang, I answered it and a voice said 'is that
you, you old
fool?''

Mother: Why was the phone busy all
night?
Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

The phone in Rigby's Georgia farmhouse rang

one evening. When he answered, the operator said, ''This is long

distance from Chicago.'' ''I knowed it's a long distance from Chicago!''

answered the farmer. ''How come you called to tell me that?''

How do snowmen read their e-mails?
With an
icy-stare!

What 8-letter word has one
letter in
it?
Envelope.

Who do you think was sent to cover the
story of the baby lion born in the
zoo? A cub reporter.

Q: How many publishers does it take to
change a
lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold
down the
editor.

A weather forecaster took a job in another

part of the country. When asked why he transferred he replied, ''The

weather didn't agree with me.''

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. So she went to see him.Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, ''OK, take off all your crose.''The woman did as she was told.''Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.'' Again,The woman did as she was instructed.Dr. Chang then said, ''OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.'' So she did..Dr.Chang shook his head slowly and said, ''Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates.''Worried, the woman asked anxiously, ''Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?''Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied, ''Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look ed zachary like your ass.

There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face. He just looks at her and says, 'You don't scare me I am married to your sister!''

Why do you call a womens monthly pain a period?Because Mad Cow Disease was taken.

Marriage was invented because it's only so much fun to cheat at cards.

Q: What did one math book say to the
other?
A: Man I got a lot of problems!