Newest jokes

There is a new
Barbie doll on the
market - Jock Barbie ...looks like Dennis
Rodman

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Easter Island Barbie ...the
famous statue with blonde hair

|The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers.''I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle,'' he explained. ''Now begin!''After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.''Why did you stop. Smith?'' demanded the officer.''If you please, sir,'' said Smith, ''I'm freewheeling for a while.''

|Private Milton went to psychiatrist and complained: ''I have an inferiority complex.''''Nothing I can do for you'', said the doc.''In the Army privates don't have an inferiority complex... they're just inferior...''--------------------------------------------------------------------------------An old man saw a very tired infantryman resting after a hard foot march. The man said with disdain: ''When I was of your age I thought nothing of a ten-mile hike.''''Well, I don't think much of it either,'' replied the GI.

|Three Marines were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.The first Marine said ''those are deer tracks.''The second Marine said ''No, those are elk tracks.''The third Marine said ''You're both wrong, those are moose tracks.''The Marines were still arguing when the train hit them.

|When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough.''That's the only way to command respect in the Army,'' his friends said.So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth.''Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope,'' Reggie shouted.No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared.''I am a sergeant!'' he bellowed.''I am a dope,'' whispered Reggie.

|A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.Catching his breath, he puffed: ''Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced.''Don't worry,'' the general said. ''Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water.''

Papa, why is it that dentists call their
offices dental parlors?''
''Because they are drawing-rooms, my son.''

Pardon me for a moment,
please,'' said the
dentist to the victim, ''but before beginning this
work I must have
my drill.''
''Good heavens, man!'' exclaimed the patient irritably.
''Can't you
pull a tooth without a rehearsal?''

What to do you call an old dentist?
A bit
long in the tooth

Dentist: Just
let me finish and you will
be another man after these cosmetic
procedures.
Patient: Okay
doc, but don't forget to send your bill to the other
man.

Dentist to parsimonious patient ''No, we give
no discount for empty
spaces when cleaning and polishing teeth Mrs.
Borde!''

A kid called up his
mom from his college
and asked her for some money, because he ran out
of it. His mom
said, ''Sure, sweetie. I'll will send you some money.
You also left
your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do
you want me
to send that up too?''

''Uhh, oh yeah, okay,'' responded the
kid.

So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package
and
went to the post office to mail the money and the
book.

When she gets back, her husband asked, ''Well how much did you give the

boy his time?''

She said, ''Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20
and the other for $1000
out to him.''

''That's $1020!'' yelled
her husband. Are you crazy?''

''Don't worry, Hon,'' she said. ''I
taped the $20 check to the cover
of his book, but I put the $1000
one somewhere between the pages in
chapter 19!''

After the college boy delivered
the pizza
to Bud's trailer house, Bud asked, ''What is the usual
tip?''

''Well,'' replied the youth, ''this is my first trip here, but the
other
guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing
great.''

''Is that so?'' snorted Bud. ''Well, just to show them how wrong they

are, here's five dollars.''

''Thanks,'' replied the youth, ''I'll
put this in my school fund.''

''What are you studying?'' asked
Bud.

The lad smiled and said, ''Applied psychology.''

Two
college students, Frank and Matt, are
riding on a New York City subway when
a beggar approaches them
asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in
disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a
couples of
singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a
smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the
other
passengers.

Frank is outraged by his friend's act of
generosity.

''What on earth did you do that for?'' shouts Frank.
''You know he's
only going to use it on drugs or booze.''


Matt replies, ''And we weren't?''

On what kind of ships do students
study?
Scholarships.

What's the difference between an American
student and
an English student ?
About 3000 miles !

There is a new Barbie doll on the market

- Banjo Barbie ...complete with straw hat and Earl Scruggs

cassette

Yo mama so tall she tripped in
Michigan
and hit her head in Florida.

Yo mama so bald even a wig
wouldn't
help!