HoUM
0101.sk

Náhodný vtip

Mlada zena pride domov a ukazuje manzelovi saty z priehladneho materialu, ktore si kupila. Manzel sa pohorsuje: Ved je skrz ne uplne videt! Ale ked som v nich, tak nie!

viac vtipov viac vtipov

Newest jokes

search Search for your joke
Jokes found: 8543

Fred's new girlfriend uses such
greasy
lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a
better
grip.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Why did the pig have ink all over his face?

Because it came out of the pen.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

I don't know where you got your face
from,
but i hope you have the receipt.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

Once there was a church that
had a bell that
no one could ring. One day, a boy came and asked the
priest if he
could try. So the boy went up into the tower and ran straight
into
the bell, face-first. The bell tolled loud and clear. The shocked

priest gave him the job. But one Sunday, he ran straight toward the

bell with his face and missed and fell off the tower and died.

''Congregation,'' the priest said before the assembled masses. ''Does

anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face

rings a bell.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

TOP 10 REASONS HOCKEY IS BETTER THAN SEX...10. YOU GO IN 1-2 MINUTE SHIFTS 9. THE PUCK IS ALWAYS HARD 8. THE PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT IS REUSABLE 7. IT LASTS A FULL HOUR 6. YOU KNOW YOU ARE FINISHED WHEN THE BUZZER SOUNDS 5. YOUR PARENTS CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE 4. A 2 ON 1 OR 3 ON 1 IS NOT UNCOMMON 3. IT IS LEGAL TO PLAY PROFESSIONALLY 2. YOU CAN COUNT ON IT AT LEAST TWICE A WEEK 1. PERIODS ONLY LAST 20 MINUTES

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

TOP 10 REASONS SOCCER IS BETTER THAN SEX...10. BALLS ARE ALWAYS CHECKED FOR FIRMNESS 9. PERIODS ONLY LAST 45 MINUTES8. PARENTS CHEER WHEN YOU SCORE7. SOCCER IS A LEGAL PROFESSION 6. PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT CAN BE WASHED AND REUSED 5. SIZE DOESN'T MATTER 4. IF YOU GET TOO ROUGH YOU GET A RED CARD 3. YOU CAN SCORE USING YOUR HEAD OR YOUR FEET 2. LASTS A FULL 90 MINUTES1. YOU CAN JUGGLE YOUR BALLS IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Q: What do you call a Canadian Baseball team?A: Foreigners.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

1. Look at the size of his putter. 2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent. 3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker. 4. After 18 holes I can barely walk. 5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. 6. Lift your head and spread your legs. 7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. 8. Just turn your back and drop it. 9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls. 10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Hello, this is probably 438-9012, yes, the house of the famous statistician. I'm probably not at home, or not wanting to answer the phone, most probably the latter, according to my latest calculations. Supposing that the universe doesn't end in the next 30 seconds, the odds of which I'm still trying to calculate, you can leave your name, phone number, and message, and I'll probably phone you back. So far the probability of that is about 0.645. Have a nice day.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

What do you get if you cross a dog and a
film studio ?
Collie-wood !

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Producer: Would you call your leading

lady ugly?
Director: Let's just say she'd look better on radio
than on TV.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

The tourist: ''Can you tell me why

so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park

Sites?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs though, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his back. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke; the broken glass carved up his back terribly. Yet, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt.A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up terribly. He then repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, his back was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. ''Well, you really tied one on last night,'' she said. ''Where'd you go?'' ''I worked late,'' he said, ''and I stopped off for a couple of beers.'' ''A couple of beers? That's a laugh,'' she replied. ''You got plastered last night. Where did you go?'' ''What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?'' ''Well,'' she replied, ''my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

|Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven't been able to find anybody who'll take what I have to give. -- Cass DaleyMarriage is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.Marriage is a rest period between romances.Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.Marriage is an institution--but who wants to live in an institution?Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...Marriage is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children whilethey were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she askedwhat the drawing was.The girl replied, ''I'm drawing God.''The teacher paused and said, ''But no one knows what God looks like.Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girlreplied, ''They will in a minute.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

An honest 7-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brownhad kissed her after class. ''How did that happen?'' gasped her mother.''It wasn't easy,'' admitted her daughter, ''but three girls helped mecatch him.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and
a West
Virginian were on a Hollywood TV quiz show. The host asked them
to
complete the sentence: ''Old MacDonald had a ...'' The Indianan
said, ''Old
MacDonald had a carburetor.'' ''Sorry,'' said the MC. ''That's

incorrect.'' ''Old MacDonald had a flat tire,'' said the Kentuckian.
''Wrong,''
said the host.
''Old MacDonald had a farm,'' said the West Virginian.
''That's
correct!'' shouted the MC. ''Now for $200,000, spell farm.''
The West
Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:

''E-I-E-I-O.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Interviewer: How do you spell Mississippi?
Redneck: Which one? The river or the
state?

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

''Mah son's real smart!'' crowed the redneck

mother to an acquaintance. ''He's only six but he can already spell

his name backwards and forwards!'' ''What's his name?'' asked the

friend. ''Bob.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

© 2009-2013 Act of Light, All Rights Reserved.