Newest jokes

What do you call four sheep tied to a post in Cardiff (Wales)? A leisure centre.

How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but we've
had him a
long time.

How can you tell an old person from a young
person?
An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same
time.

Why is it easy to break in to an old man's

house?
Because his gait is broken, and his locks are few.

My grandma has so
many wrinkles she has to
screw her hat on.

''Grandma, why don't you
drink tea
anymore?'' ''I don't like it ever since that tea bag got
stuck in my
throat.''

Why can't an elephant ride a

bicycle?
Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday.

Farcical?

What did the little ghost give his mom for

Mother's Day?
A booquet of flowers.

What is the first thing ghosts do when they get
into a
car?
They fasten their sheet (seat) belts.

What did the mother ghost tell
the kid ghost
when he went out to play?
''Don't get your sheets dirty!''

How can you tell if a ghost is
about to
faint?
He gets pale as a sheet.

Why was the ghost of Anne Boleyn always

running after the ghost of Henry VIII ?
She was trying to get ahead !

4 gay guys walk into a bar.There is only 1 4 legged stool left, how do they sit???They turn it upsidedown.Sent by GC

Q: How do you get AIDS from a toilet seat? A: If you sit down before the other guy gets off.

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation.He wrote, ''I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?''An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, ''I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too.''

What is the last thing to go through the mindof a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?It's ass.

There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist. Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income. He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, ''Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!''

Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bunjee jumping?Scared the hell out of the dog.

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead...Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead too...Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?peer pressure...