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Slecna, Vy mate bozsku postavu ... ako Buddha.

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|Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth. -- John Lyly

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|Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them.May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife.May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid.May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife.May you never leave your marriage alive.May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house.Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H.L. MenckenMy darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day.My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.

Hodnotenie:
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|This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. -- Groucho MarxWe must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. -- H.L. MenckenWhat's new? Most of my wife.When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. -- GuitryWhen marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.You will marry into an Indian tribe and become one big Hopi family.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

Why don't bananas snore?
Because they
don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

Hodnotenie:
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How do you get the most apples at Halloween?

Take a snorkel.

Hodnotenie:
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Fred came rushing in to his Dad. ''Dad!'' he
puffed,
''is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?''

''That's what they say,'' said his Dad.
''Well, give me an apple quick ?
I've just broken the doctor's
window!''

Hodnotenie:
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What did one
maggot say to the other who was
stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one, then!

Hodnotenie:
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Why didn't the two worms go
into Noah's ark
in an apple?
Because everyone had to go in pairs !

Hodnotenie:
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What goes in and out and smells of piss?The Queen Mother

Hodnotenie:
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What's brown and has holes in it? - Swiss Shit.

Hodnotenie:
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An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreignexchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rpsand after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 witha typical ''service'' smile and ''Have a nice day!''The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with anotherwad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000Rps and put his handout for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.He questiond bitterly Ooh! vy less !!??'' Whereupon the cashier replied''Fluctuations!''He screamed back ''FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!'' I'm going back to Delhi!!!

Hodnotenie:
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A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of theScottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary aboutthe way of life there.REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? SCOTSMAN: Certainly... REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep ....

Hodnotenie:
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Two elderly ladies had been friends for many
decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week
to play cards.

One day they were playing
cards when one looked at the other and said,
''Now don't get mad at
me... I know we've been friends for a long
time, but I just can't
remember your name. I've thought and thought, but
I can't recall
it. Please tell me what your name is.''

Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just looked at
her.

Finally
she said, ''How soon do you need to know?''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Worried because they hadn't heard

anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver

said to her son, ''Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs.

Kirkland is?''

A few minutes later, Timmy
returned.

''Well,'' asked Mrs. Silver, ''is she all right?''

''She's fine, except
that she's angrywith you.''

''With me?'' the woman exclaimed.
''Whatever for?''

''She said 'It's none of your business how old she
is,''' snickered
Timmy.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A wise old
gentleman retired and purchased
a modest home near a junior high
school. He spent the first few
weeks of his retirement in peace and
contentment. Then a new school
year began. The very next afternoon three young
boys, full of
youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street,
beating merrily
on every trash can they encountered. The crashing
percussion
continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it
was
time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet
the young percussionists as
they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, ''You
kids are a lot of fun. I like to see
you express your exuberance like
that. In fact, I used to do the
same thing when I was your age. Will you do
me a favor? I'll give you
each a dollar if you'll promise to come
around every day and do
your thing.'' The kids were elated and continued
to do a bang-u
p job on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer
greeted the kids again, but this time
he had a sad smile on his face.


''This recession's really putting a big dent in my income,'' he
told
them. ''From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to
beat on
the cans.''

The noisemakers were obviously displeased,
but they did accept his
offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.
A few days later, the wily
retiree approached them again as they
drummed their way down the street.

''Look,'' he said, ''I haven't
received my Social Security check yet,
so I'm not going to be able
to give you more than 25 cents. Will that
be okay?''

''A lousy
quarter?'' the drum leader exclaimed. ''If you think we're
going to
waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter,
you're
nuts! No way, mister. We quit!''

And the old man enjoyed peace.

Hodnotenie:
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Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't
have babies.

They would put them down somewhere and forget where
they left
them.

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Why does the law prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Hodnotenie:
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Do you know the problem with lawyer jokes?Lawyers don't think they're funny, and the rest of us don'tthink they're jokes!

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense. ''You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?'' The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, ''Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?'' The client looked back and said, ''I imagine that our side will win.''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

A Kindergarten teacher tells her class she's a BIG Lakers fan.She's really excited about it and asks the kids if they're Lakers fans too.Everyone wants to impress the teacher and says they're Lakers fans too, except ONE kid, ...named Josh.The teacher looks at Josh and says, ''Josh, you're not a Lakers fan?''He says, ''Nope, Im a Sacrmento Kings fan!'' She says, ''Well why are you a Sacrmento Kings fan and not a Lakers fan?''Josh says, ''Well, my mom is a Sacrmento Kings fan, and my dad is a Sacrmento Kings fan, so I'm a Sacrmento Kings fan.''The teacher's not real happy. She's a little hot under the collar. She says, ''Well, if your moms an idiot, and your dads a moron, then what would you be?!''Josh says, ''Then I'd be a Laker fan!''

Hodnotenie:
Kliknutím na košík pridáš položku do zábavného košíka, z ktorého môžeš potom zábavu odoslať svojim známim.

0101.sk

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