Newest jokes

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Tree
Hugger Barbie ...pull the string and she spouts
environmentalist
rhetoric

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Tool Time Barbie ...ncludes
tool belt, which she has no idea what
to do with

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Power
Ranger Barbie ...with karate-chop action; complete with the
ridiculous
outfit

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -
Teenage Mutant Ninja
Barbie ...one of the Turtles with Barbie
head

Men say the smartest things when they start the sentence with ''A woman once told me...''

Q: What's the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and a woman hollering on the back porch?A: If you let them both inside, the dog will stop barking.

Element Name: MANSymbol: XYAtomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging. Samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by dousing with alcohol.Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

What's the difference between a penis and a prick?A penis gives hours of fun, and a prick owns the penis.

|There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ''Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!''After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, ''Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!''And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, ''Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!''The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.The Japanese exclaimed, ''Wah... so expensive!''There upon, the driver yelled back, ''Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!''

|This speaks a lot about the Japanese quality standards and also cultural misunderstandings. They're still laughing about this at IBM. Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project. In the specifications, they set out that they will accept three defective parts per 10,000 . When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter. ''We, Japanese people, had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment. Hope this pleases you.''

|Crash Course in Speaking ChineseChinese Phrase English TranslationAi Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitiveJan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show hostKum Hia: Approach meLao Ze Sho: Gilligan's IslandLao Ze: Not very goodLin Ching: An illegal executionMoon Lan Ding: A great achievement of the American space programNe Ahn: A lighting fixture used in advertising signsShai Gai: A bashful personTai Ne Bae Be: A premature infantTai Ne Po Ne: A small horseTen Ding Ba: Serving drinks to peopleWan Bum Lung: A person with T.B.Yu Mai Te Tan: Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with youWa Shing Kah: Cleaning an automobileWai So Dim: Are you trying to save electricity?Wai U Shao Ting: There is no reason to raise your voice

|A family was visiting an Indian reservation when they happen upon an old tribesman laying face down in the middle Of the road with his ear pressed firmly against the blacktop. The father of the family asked the old tribesman what he was doing. The tribesman began to speak...''woman, late thirties, three kids, one barking dog in late model, Four door station wagon, traveling at 65 m.p.h.'' ''That's amazing'' exclaimed the father. ''You can tell all of that by just listening to the ground''? ''No'', said the old tribesman. ''They just ran over me five minutes ago''!

Why do aardvarks make undesirable
neighbors?
Because they always have their noses in other people's

business!

Yo mama so short she has to use a
ladder
to pick up a dime.

Yo mama so short she can play handball on the

curb.

Yo mama so short she does backflips under the

bed.

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly
contest, they said
''Sorry, no professionals.''

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her

mother said ''What a treasure!'' and her father said ''Yes, let's go

bury it.''

The
aspiring psychiatrists were
attending their first class on emotional extremes.
''Just to establish
some parameters,'' said the professor to the
student from Arkansas,
''What is the opposite of joy?''

''Sadness,'' said the
student.

And the opposite of depression?'' he asked of the young lady from

Oklahoma.

''Elation,'' said she.

''And you sir,'' he said to
the young man from Texas, ''how about the
opposite of
woe?''

The Texan replied, ''Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.''

How is the Easter Bunny like Shaquille O'Neal?

They're both famous for stuffing baskets!