Newest jokes

|One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window.Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names.''Shut Up'', replied Shut Up.''Stupid'', replied Stupid.The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. ''Excuse Me!'' shouted the chief.Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names.''Shut Up!''''Stupid!''The police chief was very riled. He then asked'' Are you looking for trouble?''!!!Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,''Why yes, how did you know?''

During my college days there was a competitionfor cross country race that was around 8 kms.to my surprise i found my best friend JHON whowas too lazy and never use to take part in anycompetition came first in that race. when he reachedthe finishing line, me and my friends went towish him. I told him ''Jhon u made it and u provedthat u can win the race too.'' but Jhon insteadshouted at me and said '' WHO LET THE DOG BESIDE ME''

During my college days i went to participateslow bicycle race competetion, I came first in the competetion, when i went to claim mytrophy, my principal kicked me out from hisoffice saying that the trophy goes to theperson who came in the last, because itsSLOW BICYCLE RACE.

Lesbians can also take Viagra. They don't have to swalow it, they just let it melt in their tongues.

What do you call a gay bar that has no chairs?- A fruit stand.

How can you tell if your college roomate is gay?-His dick tastes like shit.

Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a

snowman.
Doctor: Keep cool !

A group of
hunters fully equipped with
rifles, ammo and camping supplies, came upon a
young boy armed only
with a slingshot. ''What are you hunting for?''
asked an older hunter.
''I don't know. I ain't seen it yet,'' said the
boy.

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a
new bird dog. His
search ended when he found a dog that could
actually walk on water to
retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was
sure none of his friends
would ever believe him. He decided to try to
break the news to a friend
of his, the eternal pessimist who
refused to be impressed with anything.
This, surely, would impress him.
He invited him to hunt with him and
his new dog. As they waited by
the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they
fired, and a duck fell.
The dog responded and jumped into the water.
The dog, however, did
not sink but instead walked across the water to
retrieve the bird,
never getting more than his paws wet. This continued
all day long;
each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of
the water
to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw
everything,
but did not say a single word. On the drive home the hunter asked

his friend, ''Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?'' ''I

sure did,'' responded the pessimist. ''He can't swim.''

A Cowboy was going deer hunting.. His blonde

wife said she was going with him.. That they never did anything

together.. So, they went.. He put her in a stand by herself.. Later in
the
morning he heard her shoot.. He went over to her stand and she
was pointing
her rifle at a guy with a cowboy hat on.. The guy was
telling her,
Ma'mm, you can have the deer you shot.. I just want
to take my saddle off
of him!

Passenger: Does this bus go to London?

Conductor: No.
Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor:
There's an
advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't
sell them!

Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus

home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it

back,' Sam said.

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but
didn't
hurt yourself?
Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the
bus.

A man is walking down the street
when he sees a sign in the
window of a travel agency that says
CRUISES - $100. He goes into the
agency and hands the guy $100. The
travel agent then whacks him over the
head with a baseball bat and
throws him in the river.

Another man is walking down the street a
half hour later, sees the sign
and pays the guy $100. The travel agent
then whacks him with the
baseball bat and throws him in the
river.

Sometime later, the two men are floating down the river together
and
the first man asks, ''Do you think they'll serve any food on
this
cruise?''
The second man says, ''I don't think so. They
didn't do it last
year.''

What
did the Hollywood producer say to the
Apes in the zoo when they refused
to sign contracts to appear in his
new film?
Stop playing it cagey!

When an ape visits his tailor, what kind of a

suit does he order?
A zoo-t suit!

Which two letters of the alphabet are

nothing?
MT (empty) .

What letter should you avoid?
The letter A
because it makes men mean.

A girl from Texas and a girl from New York were seated sideby side on an airplane. The girl from Texas, being friendlyand all, said: ''So, where y'all from?'' The New York girl said, ''From a place where they know betterthan to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.'' The girl from Texas sat quietly for a few moments and thenreplied: ''So, where y'all from, bitch?''

The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix.''See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together.''''I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman,'' said the dentist calmly, ''and don't worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time.''Mr. Tuckerman whispered, ''Yes, but from an IUD?''