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Náhodný vtip

Preco boli stvoreni aj ekonomovia? Aby sa necitili trapne len meteorologovia!

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Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying. ''Why are you crying?'' asked the other child. ''I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger.'' When he heard this, the other child started to cry. ''Why are you crying?'' ''I'm here for a urine test.''

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FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came

face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

BERT: No, what
happened?

FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla
looked at me
and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came
closer and
closer . . .

BERT: What did you do?

FRED:
Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

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What is a snowman's favorite book ?
War
and Frozen Peas !

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0101.sk

Why did a anowman send his father to
Siberia?
Because he wanted frozen pop !

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I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don't like to interrupt her.

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8. What do you mean today's our anniversary? 7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big! 5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being 'just friends' 4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small? 3. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there. 2. I don't care if it's on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.1. Hey, pull my finger!

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What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down? Kick her in the butt!

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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine, will never be able to support you.

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Element Name: WOMANSymbol: WOAtomic Weight: (don't even go there!)Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

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What do you get when you put a car and a

pet together ?
Carpet !

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Q) What's worse than raining
buckets?
A) Hailing taxis!

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Q: What do you call a laughing
motorcycle?
A: A Yamahahaha

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What do you call a group of cars ?
A
clutch !

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|Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it.The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat.Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, ''You skin this one while I go and get another!''

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|An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it. The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, ''Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?''''I sure did,'' responded the pessimist. ''He can't swim.''

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|Three guys were fishing in a lake one day, when an angel appeared in the boat. When the three astonished men had settled down enough to speak, the first guy asked the angel humbly, ''I've suffered from back pain ever since I took shrapnel in the Vietnam War ... Could you help me?'' ''Of course,'' the angel said, and when he touched the man's back, the man felt relief for the first time in years. The second guy who wore very thick glasses and had a hard time reading and driving. He asked if the angel could do anything about his poor eyesight. The angel smiled, removed the man's glasses and tossed them into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's eyes cleared and he could see everything distinctly. When the angel turned to the third guy, the guy put his hands out defensively -- ''Don't touch me!'' he cried, ''I'm on a disability pension.''

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|One day a fisherman was lying on a beautiful beach, with his fishing pole propped up in the sand and his solitary line cast out into the sparkling blue surf. He was enjoying the warmth of the afternoon sun and the prospect of catching a fish. About that time, a businessman came walking down the beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his workday. He noticed the fisherman sitting on the beach and decided to find out why this fisherman was fishing instead of working harder to make a living for himself and his family. ''You aren't going to catch many fish that way,'' said the businessman to the fisherman, ''you should be working rather than lying on the beach!'' The fisherman looked up at the businessman, smiled and replied, ''And what will my reward be?'' ''Well, you can get bigger nets and catch more fish!'' was the businessman's answer. ''And then what will my reward be?'' asked the fisherman, still smiling. The businessman replied, ''You will make money and you'll be able to buy a boat, which will then result in larger catches of fish!'' ''And then what will my reward be?'' asked the fisherman again. The businessman was beginning to get a little irritated with the fisherman's questions. ''You can buy a bigger boat, and hire some people to work for you!'' he said. ''And then what will my reward be?'' repeated the fisherman. The businessman was getting angry. ''Don't you understand? You can build up a fleet of fishing boats, sail all over the world, and let all your employees catch fish for you!'' Once again the fisherman asked, ''And then what will my reward be?'' The businessman was red with rage and shouted at the fisherman, ''Don't you understand that you can become so rich that you will never have to work for your living again! You can spend all the rest of your days sitting on this beach, looking at the sunset. You won't have a care in the world!'' The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, ''And what do you think I'm doing right now?''

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|While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,''Are there any gators around here?!'' ''Naw,'' the man hollered back, ''they ain't been around for years!'' ''Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy,''How'd you get rid of the gators?'' ''We didn't do nothin','' the beachcomber said. ''The sharks got 'em.''

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I want a hair cut please.
Certainly,
which one !

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What should you buy if your
hair
falls out ?
A good vacuum cleaner !

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