Newest jokes

How does a New York University psychology
major turn on
his lights in the morning?
By opening the car
door.

How to fleas travel ?
Itch hiking !

What is the difference between a flea bitten
dog and a
bored visitor ?
Ones going to itch and the other is
itching to go !

First Caribou:
What well-known cartoon
character do moths like a hole lot?
Second Caribou: Micky Moth!

Boy: What's the biggest ant in the
world?

Girl: My Aunt
Boy: No, it's an elephant.
Girl: You
obviously haven't met my Aunt

What do you get if you cross a spider and an

elephant ?
I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the
ceiling then run
before it collapses !

You said it was a great horse and it is.
It
took twenty other horses to beat him!

Why did the horseman put a saddle on a large

loaf of bread?
It was a crusty steed!

Why did the man call his horse
Fleabag?
Because he was often scratched!

Why is a racehorse like a letter?
They both
begin a trip at the post!

Why is an egg like a young horse?
Because it
can't be used until it's broken!

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar oneevening and said to the bartender ''Give everyone a drink exceptthat gay guy over there''About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, ''Give everyonea drink except that gay guy over there''The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartenderasks why, and the gay guy says ''I am going to put one in each cheek,go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!''

Why didn't the dentist ask his secretary
out?...He was
already taking out a tooth

What did the dentist say to the

computer?...This won't hurt a byte

What did the tooth say to the departing

dentist?...Fill me in when you get back

Anyone know the six most frightening words in

the world ??? ''The Dentist will see you now.''

''Open wider.''
requested the dentist, as he
began his examination of the patient. ''Good God
!'' he said
startled. ''You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen
- the biggest
cavity I've ever seen.'' ''OK Doc !'' replied the
patient. ''I'm scared
enough without you saying something like that twice.''
''I didn't !''
said the dentist. ''That was the echo.''

A group of
psychiatrists were
attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and
walked out
together. One said to the other three, ''People are always
coming to us
with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can
go to
when we have problems.'' The others agreed.

Then one said, ''Since
we are all professionals, why don't we take
some time right now to
hear each other out?''

The other three agreed.

The first
then confessed, ''I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my

patients.''

The second psychiatrist said, ''I love expensive things and so
I find
ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can
so I can buy
the things I want.''

The third followed with,
''I'm involved with selling drugs and often
get my patients to sell
them for me.''

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, ''I know
I'm not supposed to,
but no matter how hard I try, I can't kee
p a secret...''

The teacher asked Simon to say his name

backwards.
''No mis'' he replied

Why did the nutty kid throw butter out
of
the window?
He wanted to see a butterfly.