Newest jokes

A drunken blonde goes into a bar. The bartender asks her what she would like, and she replies, ''Gimme a beer.'' The bartender then asks, ''Anheuser-Busch?'' To which she replies, ''Fine thanks, and how's your cock?''

What dog is always tired in London?
An English
sleep dog.

There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong, caring, loving.They'd be wrong, but you could still use them.

How do men sort their laundry? ''Filthy'' and ''Filthy but Wearable''.

One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.''A penny for your thoughts,'' she said.''It's amazing!'' he replied. ''I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50.''

There is
a new Barbie doll on the
market - Mortal Kombat Barbie ...includes more
blood than you can even
imagine

There is a new Barbie doll on the market -

Safari Barbie ...with rifle, pith helmet, and pygmy guide

There is a
new Barbie doll on the
market - Militant Femminist Barbie ...with an
assault rifle

Q: How can you tell the dumbest actress

working on a movie?
A: She's the one sleeping with the
writer.

Q: What did the Production Manager give
his kids for
Christmas?
A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make
it up to them on the next
one.

Q: How many
absurdist/surrealist
comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: November.

Q: How many fire safety
guys dose it
take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One -- but it's an 8 hour
minimum.

Q: How many UPM's does it take
to
screw in a light bulb?
A: None! If you'd just make it a day exterior
we wouldn't be screwing
around with all these damn light
bulbs!''

Steve is going on an ocean cruise,

and he tells his doctor that
he's worried about getting real
seasick. The doctor tells him,
''Just eat two pounds of stewed tomatoes
before you leave the dock.''
Steve says, ''Will that keep me from
getting sick?''
The doctor says, ''No, but it'll look real pretty in the
water.''

How is a telephone like a dirty bathtub?

They both have rings!

What did the answering machine say to the

telephone?
Take my word for it.

How does a cheerleader answer the phone?

H-E-L-L-O!

How does a lobster answer the phone?

Shello?

When is a car like a frog ?
When it's becing
toad !

What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common

?
Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth !