Newest jokes

Whats the difference between a blond and a Mosquito?The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.Sent by Chris

Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had nolessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and thenhorse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady andrhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from thesaddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to geta firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides downthe side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seeminglyimpervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, sheleaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is nowat the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is batteredagainst the ground again and again. She is mere moments away fromunconsciousness when........ ........the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.

I was shopping at our local supermarket.When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead ofme.As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,''Paper or plastic?''''It doesn't matter,'' she replied, ''I'm bisacksual.''

Q: How do you keep your
husband from reading
your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to ''instruction manuals''

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving
her money, furs and diamonds.

Why did the goal post get angry?
Because the
bar was rattled!

What is the bank manager's favourite
type
of football?
Fiver side!

What part of a football ground is never the

same?
The changing rooms!

Yo mama is so fat...that she broke a branch
in
her
family tree!

Your momma is so fat that her measurements
are 26-34-28,
and her other arm is just as big!

your mama so fat she was going to
walmart
tripped over kmart and landed right on target!!!

Yo Mama's so
fat she uses an air balloon
for
parachute.

Yo mama's like the sun you look at her to

long you will go blind!

What is the difference between a barking dog and
an umbrella?
The umbrella can be shut up.

What is the difference between a dog and
a
mailbox?
If you don't know you must lose a lot of mail.

What do you get when
you add 2 apples to 3
apples? A senior high school math problem.

How
many schoolteachers does it take to
change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is
added to the
homework.

How many students does it take to change a
light bulb?
None. Light bulb changing isn't in the course notes.

A little kid's in
school, taking a
true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end
of the test he's
flipping the coin again. The teacher says, ''What are
you doing?'' He
says, ''Checking my answers.''