Bus jokes 

Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York,

please.
Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not,
I'm in the
bus queue, aren't I?

Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a

bus driver.
Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.

How do eels get around the
seabed?
They go
by octobus.

What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a
skunk?
I don't know but it could always get a seat on a bus!

Why couldn't
the skeleton pay his bus fare?

Because he was skint.

What do monsters play when they are in the bus?

Squash.

Why did the bat miss the bus?
Because he hung
around for too long.

What did the bus conductor say to the frog?
Hop
on.

Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?

Driver: Which part?
Passenger: All of me, of course!

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat

woman opposite said, ''If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd
stand
up and let someone else sit down.'' ''And if you were a lady,''
replied
Roger, ''you'd stand up and let four people sit down.''

What's the
difference between a bus driver
and a cold?
A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the
nose.

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a

hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very

excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and
jumping up
at him. ''Do you mind if I throw him a bit?'' said the man to
the lady.
''Not at all,'' she replied, whereupon the man picked the
dog up and
threw it over a wall.

Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again.

Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late.
Teacher:
Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier
one.

How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar?

Throw it under a bus.

As the bus came to the stop, the man
at the
front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and

caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, 'What
on
earth did you do that for?' 'I wanted to know if there was room on

top,' replied the man.

When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting

upstairs or downstairs?
I prefer to ride on top, but it's very
hard getting the horse up the
stairs.

A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was
pushed off by
the people inside. There's no room,' they said. 'It's
full up!'
'But you must let me on!' shouted the man.
'Why,
what's so special about you?' they asked.
I'm the driver,'
replied the man.

Why did the bus stop?
Because it saw the zebra
crossing.

Passenger: Does this bus go to London?

Conductor: No.
Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor:
There's an
advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't
sell them!

Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus

home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it

back,' Sam said.