Bicycle jokes 

My dog is a nuisance.
He chases everyone on
a bicycle.
What can I do?
Take his bike away.

Did you hear about the vampire bicycle
that
went round biting people's arms off?
It was a vicious cycle.

''Lie flat on your backs, class, and circle

your feet in the air as if you were riding your bikes,'' said the gym

teacher.
''Fred! What are you doing? Move your feet, boy.''

''I'm freewheeling, sir.''

What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
One with no
spooks in it.

While crossing the US-Mexican border on his

bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the
man
had on his shoulders. ''What's in the bags?'', asked the
guard.

''Sand,'' said the cyclist.

''Get them off - we'll take a
look,'' said the guard.

The Cyclist did as he was told, emptied the
bags, and proving they
contained nothing but sand, reloaded the
bags, put them on his shoulders
and continued across the border.


Two weeks later, the same thing happened. Again the guard demanded
to
see the two bags, which again contained nothing but sand. This
went on
every week for six months, until one day the cyclist with the
sand bags
failed to appear.

A few days later, the guard
happened to meet the cyclist downtown.
''Say friend, you sure had us
crazy'', said the guard. ''We knew you were
smuggling something across
the border. I won't say a word - but what is
it you were smu
ggling?'' ''Bicycles!''

Which is the cheapest bicycle you can
buy?

A penny-farthing.

What did the silly boy take his bicycle to bed
with
him?
Because he didn't want to walk in his sleep.

Why couldn't the
bicycle stand up for
itself?
Because it was two-tyred.

A little boy out riding his bicycle knocked

down an old lady. She was a bit shaken, but got up, dusted herself
off,
then turned to the little boy and said,

'Don't you
know how to ride a bike?'

'Yes,' he answered, 'but I don't
know how to ring the bell yet'

Jack and Jill were riding a tandem up a hill,

but making heavy weather of it. At the top, Jack said:

'I
didn't think we'd make it!' Jill replied,

'Nor did I - what
a good thing I kept the brakes on, or we'd have
slid all the way
back down!'

Johnny was racing around the garden on his new
bicycle and
called out to his mother to watch his tricks.


'Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No

teeth!'

Our bank manager can't ride a bike any more.
Why not? He lost his
balance.

The school teacher was furious when Brad

knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard.
''Don't
you know how to ride that yet?'' he roared.
''Oh yes!'' shouted Brad
over his shoulder.
''It's the bell I can't work yet.

Q: How many bikers does it take
to change
a light bulb?
A: It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the
other to kick the
switch.

Romeo: Your cheeks are like petals.

Juliet: Really?
Romeo: Yes, bicycle pedals.

What's the hardest thing about learning to
ride a bicycle?
The road.

Why can't an elephant ride a

bicycle?
Because he doesn't have a thumb to ring the bell.

I went on a long bicycle ride yesterday.

Farcical?

What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her
head
?
Petal !

The cyclist, passing a pedestrian crossing,
runs into a man, and
they both fall down. -''Geez, are you lucky.'' The
cyclist says.
-''What do you mean by lucky ?'' The pedestrian angrily
asks. ''I got hurt
really bad.'' -''Ah, you're lucky because I
recently lost my license. I
usually drive a bus.''