Restaurant jokes 

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down

and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and
shoots
the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager
shouts,
''Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you
didn't pay for
your sandwich!''

The panda yells back at the
manager, ''Hey man, I'm a PANDA! Look it
up!''

The manager opens
his dictionary and sees the following definition for
panda: ''A tree
dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by
distinct black
and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.''

How many cafeteria staff does it take to

change a light bulb?
''Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've
just cashed up.''

Did you hear about the new
restaurant on
the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.

''What flavors of ice cream
do you have?''
inquired the customer.
''Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate,''
answered the new waitress in a
hoarse whisper.
Trying to be
sympathetic, the customer asked, ''Do you have
laryngitis?''
''No....''
replied the new waitress with some effort, ''just...erm....
vanilla,
strawberry, and chocolate.''

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered
fish. The waiter
brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the
other. One of the men said
to the other, ''Please help yourself.'' The
other one said ''Okay'',
and helped himself to the larger fish. After
a tense silence, the first
one said, ''really, now, if you had
offered me the first choice, I would
have taken the smaller fish!'' The
other one replied, ''What are you
complaining for; you have it,
don't you?''

Three
couples are dining
together.
The American husband says to his wife: ''Pass me the honey, Honey''.
The
English husband says to his wife: ''Pass me the sugar, Sugar''.
The
[you name it] husband says to his wife: ''Pass me the steak, Dumb

cow''.

Why was
the restaurant called ''Out of
this World''?
Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.

Jane's father
decided to take all the
family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd
spent quite a lot
of money for the meal he said to the waiter, ''Could I
have a bag to
take the leftovers home for the dog?''
''Gosh!'' exclaimed Jane, ''Are
we getting a dog?''

How
many McDonald's counter girls does
it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change it and one to put
some chips with it.

A man walks
into a Chinese restaurant
but is told by the
Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty
minute wait.
''Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?'', he says.
The
man goes into the bar and the bartender says, ''What'll it be?''
The
man replies, ''Give me a Stoli with a twist.''
The bartender pauses
for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, ''Once upon time, there were
FOUR little peegs . . . ''

Eulus stood in front of the take-out

window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. ''I want two hamburgers,''

he said. ''One with onions, and one without.''

The counter man:
''Okay. Which one's without the onions?''

Once a man went to a resturant and ordered

an egg. When it was brought he didn't liked it so he informed the

waiter that the egg was bad.
Came the reply:
''I don't lay
egg sir I just lay table !''

Customer to friend: This is a wonderful

restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world,
I
ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the
world.
Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.

At our local
restaurant you can eat
dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?

''Can
I have some two-handed cheese,
please?'' a man in a restaurant asked
the waiter.
''What do you
mean, 'two-handed cheese'?' asked the waiter.
''You know, the kind
you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the
other.''

Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant
every day.
Patron 2: I don't tip, either.

Have you ever seen a man-eating tiger
?
No, but in the restaurant next door I once saw a man eating chicken

!

Girl: How much is a soft drink
?
Waitress: Fifty cents.
Girl: How much is refill ?
Waitress: The first is
free.
Girl: Well then, I'll have a refill.

What does a Chinese restaurant
serve
for Easter?
Coloured eggrolls!

Hello? Fred's Restaurant.
Hello! I'd
like to know, do you serve crabs?
We serve anyone, sir! Come on
in!