Men Jokes 

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is

a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking
her
out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.


Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its
socket
towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of
the air,
and hands it back.

''Oh my, I am so sorry,'' the
woman says as she pops her eye back in
place. ''Let me buy you dessert
to make it up to you.''

They enjoy a wonderful dessert together,
and afterwards, the woman
invites him to the theater followed by
drinks. After paying for everything,
she asks him if he would like to
come to her place and stay for
breakfast the next morning.


The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The

guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible! ''You know,'' he said,

''you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy
you meet?''

''No,'' she replies, ''you just happened to catch my
eye.''

Men are like bike
helmets.

They are
handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look
silly.

Men are like government bonds.

They take so
long to mature.

Men are like
mascara.

They usually run
at the first sign of emotion.

Men are
like placemats.

They only show
up when there's food on the table.

Men are like bank accounts.

Without a lot
of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like
lava lamps.

Fun to look
at, but not very bright.

Men are like copiers.

You need them for
reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like mini skirts.

If you're not
careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like
curling irons.

They're
always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are
like high heels.

They're easy
to walk on once you get the hang of it.

There were 11 people
hanging on to a single
rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying
to bring them to
safety. Ten were men; one was a woman.

They all decided that one
person would have to let go because if they
didn't, the rope would
break and all of them would die.

No one could decide who it
should be. Finally the woman gave a really
touching speech, saying how
she would give up her life to save the
others, because women were
used to giving things up for their husbands and
children and giving
in to men.

All of the men started clapping.

A husband was trying to prove to his wife
that
women talk more than men.

He showed her a study which indicated
that men use about 10,000 words
per day, whereas women use 20,000
words per day.

His wife thought about this for a while. She then
told her husband that
women use twice as many words as men because
they have to repeat
everything they say.

Her husband looked
stunned. He said ''What?''

Why is a
Laundromat a really bad place to pick
up a woman?

- Because a woman who can't afford a washing
machine will probably
never be able to support you.

How many men
does it take to open a beer?


- None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Q. What do you call a
handcuffed man?
A.
Trustworthy.

Q. What do most men
consider a gourmet
restaurant?
A. Any place without a drive-up window.

Q. How
does a man show he's planning for the
future?
A. He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q.
How do men exercise on the beach?
A. By
sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. How do men define a ''50/50'' relationship?
A.
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.